Jodie was literally demonised in the Big Brother house. George Galloway accused her of hypnotising Chantelle: "You have inveigled her into your wicked ways."

But Jodie's no fool. She wasn't taken in by George's sudden attack of gravitas, and thought he should head straight back to Westminster "I think it's embarrassing he's on this, " she said. "Embarrassing for the house . . . or whatever it's called." She referred to the dead body that had been found in Michael Barrymore's swimming pool, during a row about her vegetarianism.

So ended the first week of Celebrity Big Brother. A week made memorable by the sound of smokers' coughs and the bubbles of escalating hysteria. For serious viewers, who are watching the live feed from the Big Brother house during the day, it has been an exhausting experience. We have seen Rula pick her teeth, and Michael Barrymore try to sleep and Faria being brave.

We've heard Pete say that accessorising is the only thing that separates us from the animals, and Michael reckoning that Jodie had already sold her story to a tabloid.

The thing is, you are either watching Celebrity Big Brother or you're not. If you're not then you're worrying about the murder rate or the economy or something. If you are then you're wondering about Pete Burns being mean to Rula. He gave her make up tips and said he had the name of a good surgeon . . . nerve! If you're watching, then you see the housemates into bed and then stand in your own kitchen, feeling as if you are in the Big Brother house yourself .

It's all the other stuff you have to watch as well . . . and not just the insomniac Michael Barrymore cleaning the kitchen in the dead of night. On Wednesday, former madam Cynthia Payne was on Big Brother's Big Mouth, saying that George Galloway is "100% man, I tell you".

You have to watch a competition called 'Get Your Tats Out', which compared the tattoos of the contestants. Dennis won, I think.

You have to watch the Big Brother vicar, the Reverend Sarah Mayers from Elstree, come up with a parable for each contestant . . . Michael Barrymore, entering the Big Brother house in front of an ecstatic crowd, was the Prodigal Son.

Suddenly you find yourself knowing that both Maggot's record sales with his group Goldie Looking Chain have increased fourfold since CBB began. Preston's record sales with Ordinary Boys have risen tenfold. This time last week you'd never heard of either.

Jodie said she wanted to leave anyway. "If I didn't need the money I'd leave right now, " she said in the diary room.

Why a 27-year-old girl should be so broke was not explored.

But Jodie had looked out of it . . . in every sense . . . since she arrived. In the currency of contempt which drives the Big Brother economy, she'd been rich from the start.

My boyfriend wanted George Galloway evicted, on the grounds that he was an embarrassment to left-wing politics . . . phew, another one!

On Friday night, George himself looked nervous as he waited to see if he'd been evicted.

His imitation of a cat, nuzzling Rula as she purred all over him in a most disturbing way, was enough to put you off your dinner, lunch and breakfast. I only witnessed the sight once.

After that I stood in the hall shouting "I can't look, I can't look!" as George, on all fours, was petted over by Rula in something that looked like a scene from a swingers' club in Surbiton. "Would you rather be at home with Mummy?"

asked Rula. George's reply was unclear.

Rula must be a bit of an eejit.

Earlier, George had told her that Saddam was "not at all hated by ordinary Iraqis" and she sat there nodding, the fool.

On the other hand, Pete Burns has been horrible to Rula.

It was strange to see Rula, whose voice is much lower than Pete's, sitting there at night with no make-up on, taking cosmetic advice from a man who demands full use of a lavatory for one hour each day so that he can do his makeup . . . and this in a house which has two toilets for 11 people who are strangers to each other.

Pete has issues with Rula "You're not my mother, " he shouted at her. Pete has issues with women. His blistering contempt for Jodie and her posturing and her breasts seems strange coming from a man who spent several days in tights with no knickers underneath, and seems to be trying to assemble a cleavage of his own. Pete refused to wear flat shoes with the Big Brother uniform, because he wears heels, he says, even in the shower.

The problem with Big Brother is that it's boring, but you can't stop watching it. And when it's interesting, it's terrible. Like the time that Big Brother gave Michael Barrymore the task of smashing eggs against his forehead, and breaking mirrors, to see how lucky he is. Chilling. Ruthless.

Sir Jimmy Saville, who will 'fix' a treat for one of the housemate today, is going to fit right in.