But we should be alright by Monday. He's only gone to see the rugby.

Sometimes you just have to get out. Sometimes Will & Grace and Good Afternoon just look so good. Not to talk about having to miss Bog Bodies on BBC2, which you weren't allowed to look at because it was on at the same time as the evictions. Let's face it, even Davina's clothes aren't as interesting.

You knew it was bad when Pete described what was going on as vicious. Monday seems a year ago. (So I took the weekend off, so shoot me. ) The Big Brother house has been shedding the female housemates aged over 35. Faria on Wednesday and Rula on Friday. Rula, who said that Big Brotherwas her only chance of getting on television, now that no one would give her an acting part any more.

Okay, so Faria did have quite a few unacknowledged resentments. At least they were unacknowledged before she talked to Davina. Boy, they spill everything to that girl. Love her. Faria admitted she had once urinated in a boyfriend's tea. Not to be messed with really. Her outburst about racism seems to have alienated what Davina calls the great British public. And just when Faria was warming to Dennis.

Shame really.

Rula was simply too old. It has to remembered that the Big Brother voters are very young and mostly female.

Nubility and perfection are everything. Childishness is rewarded. That's why Traci was so wise to respond to her nomination by a) getting plastered drunk and keeping everyone awake, and b) putting on a pornographic corset. All right, Rula is a bit of an eejit.

God, I'm getting worse than George.

George, George, George. His week started well, with some great dancing at Preston's birthday party. But later on, when he and Preston had their nominations of three other housemates broadcast to all the other housemates, live, he was revealed as the miserable, lying, egocentric, bullying toad that he really is. Not that I'm biased or anything. Hell, no wonder New Labour are glued.

What a moment! Davina called them "the most cringemaking nominations ever".

George nominated Rula, with whom he had once seriously flirted. And then ignored her and dissed her to Pete, who had called Rula "a miserable dried-up old husk". George also nominated Maggot, who really admired him. And Preston agreed with it all.

Preston's week started well.

He is wonderfully well dressed.

He and Chantelle are getting on great. He has emerged as a spineless person, laughing with the bullies. But then, as Pete has rather surprisingly pointed out, Preston is very young.

Pete found George and Preston's nomination session "very upsetting. It's brought up a lot of parental feelings in me". Both George and Preston nominated Traci. George's nomination was accompanied by a patronising character analysis. In fact, coming out of that Diary Room and discovering the housemates had heard everything he had said seems to have embarrassed George in a way that neither senate committees nor fawning visits to Saddam Hussein did.

However, the real violence of the week was to come. That was Pete's appalling attack on Traci, in which he accused her of falseness, being obsessed with appearances and spending too much time in front of the mirror. Traci is no rocket scientist . . . hey, who is? . . . but she is probably everything Pete has worked so hard to be.

This attack was dreadful to see, and witnessed by Rula, George, Preston, Maggot and Michael. No one raised a word of protest. Preston was the last to leave. Later, Pete laughed about it . . . and Preston had a guilty smile. Then Pete wondered what Traci would look like "running along the Baywatch beach at 46".

Pete is 46. Everybody's terrified of him. Only Dennis, who is emerging as a voice of sanity, particularly since Faria left, might be prepared to take him on. Although Traci is infuriating she surely doesn't deserve Pete's confident analysis: "Inside is rot, paranoia and self-hatred, " he told George, who didn't demur and added his own anti-American nonsense.

The other voice of sanity, apart from Dennis, is Chantelle. Even though she's called after a bra, doesn't know what a gynaecologist is, and thinks Dundee is in Wales. Chantelle has real social skills and tries to be nice to everyone. She is modest and listens a lot. When someone says a whole sentence (not as frequent as you might think), Chantelle politely replies, "Really?"

Chantelle is a fine observer of strategy. "You're crafty, you lot, aintcha?" she said to Big Brother in the Diary Room after the nomination fallout.

"You know how to put the cat amongst the pigeons, dontcha?" Chantelle is also the most secure person in the house. Asked how she was, she replied that she was fine, it was the others she was worried about. And this from the girl who up to now has been dismissed as the poor man's Paris Hilton. Even Pete respects her . . . or says he does.

Michael is really worrying.

He isn't sleeping . . . although he slept until half six yesterday morning, his best sleep for a while . . . and is cleaning a lot. In fact, he has become increasingly obsessive and paranoid.

On Friday, he picked a stupid row with Dennis, who then looked as if he was crying in the sauna.

If you have a proper job you've probably forgotten how wonderful television is . . . even the ads. The Kia Diesel ad, an animated homage to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, is a work of art. The rap dancing dad on the BT ads is magnificent.

The London Times has a Big Brother correspondent.

We haven't discussed the confiscation of Pete's fur coat.

Or the disturbing brilliance of Russell, who presents Big Brother's Big Mouth. But it's time to leave the Diary Room.