We're talking faux Louis Vuitton, bogus Prada and fake Fendis, indistinguishable from the originals at a fraction of the price.

Here's what the tourist guides won't tell you . . .

head for Canal Street, pronto. The last refuge of unashamed dodgy dealing in a town barely recognisable from its sleazy heydey, Canal runs the length of downtown Manhattan; stop at at corner (particularly the likes of Canal and Broadway) for long enough, and you'll soon be accosted by any number of shifty vendors.

Keep an eye out for the anonymous oriental women dressed head to foot in black; if you let them know that you might be interested in procuring some hooky merchandise, chances are they'll produce a laminated booklet lavishly illustrated with images of designer rip-offs. Pick the one you want, and they'll gesture for you to follow them.

Here's the scary part:

you'll be beckoned into some innocuous-looking storefront, or . . . even more terrifying . . . a dodgylooking basement, where you'll more than likely be confronted by an illicit Aladdin's cave of shockingly affordable knock-offs. Hand over the cash, claim your prize and . . . hey presto . . . you've just completed your first illegal transaction!

For all its rough and readiness, this is a mulitibillion dollar industry; a friend recently popped into a modest Canal Street trinket store to discover that the entire premises was merely an elaborate front for a second, concealed store, hawking flawless Burberry and Hermes by the ton. So now you knowf While you're getting a great deal, you should probably remember that buying counterfeit goods can fund other illegal practices, like narcotics, prostitution, organised crime and international terrorism. I'm legally obliged to say that bit.