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Oh my God, Cruise! It's not like they killed anyone



SOUTH Park is watched by an unattractive minority, but we love it from the bottom of our alienated little hearts. Pessimistic, bitter and extraordinarily offensive, South Park really can cheer you up when you feel you've nothing left to live for.

South Park never has had much problem rushing in where other media angels fear to tread, and often tackles subjects long before its more serious counterparts have worked out a position on them.

South Park does a lot of its thinking on screen. The Michael Jackson episode was a good example of this, ridiculing him for his alleged abuse of young boys, while at the same time saying that he had been targeted by the US police because he was a rich and successful black man.

For the most part, it is a pleasure to watch these people work things out.

Way before there was any intelligent analysis of what has become known as 'raunch culture', South Park had a young girl . . . she had to be sort of bussed in, South Park's character list not rich in young girls . . . who wondered why her only role models in the modern media were 'whores'. I suppose you either find the idea of Paris Hilton's lap dogs committing suicide one after the other funny or you don't.

Dying is easy, comedy is hard. South Park is not glitteringly funny all the time.

Take the episode about Scientology, for example.

Although this episode will not be shown in the UK (the UK means Ireland in television terms, but sure we all know that). However you can watch it on the internet, if you are bothered.

Tom Cruise was very bothered indeed, and his lawyers have prevented the show being broadcast in the UK.

Because it portrayed him locked in Stan's bedroom closet while his ex-wife Nicole Kidman and his fellow Scientologist, John Travolta, beg him to emerge.

This is a teeny bit of a riff on rumours about Tom Cruise's sexuality. No big deal. Tom Cruise would have been far better off just taking the hit and keeping schtum.

However the real meat of that episode was its attack on Scientology, a weirdo religious sect which takes money from people (yeah, another one). Tom Cruise does not even appear until the ninth minute of this episode, which in television terms is sort of likef a long time, dude. Also the drawing of Tom Cruise is very poor, even by the standard of drawing in South Park, which is refreshingly low.

So, the meat of the episode in question was a blistering attack on Scientology and, next thing you know, longtime cast member Isaac Hayes resigns. The soul singer Isaac Hayes, who voices Chef.

The soul singer Isaac Hayes whose career has been revived, resuscitated or at least partially restored by his appearances on South Park over the past nine years. Resigned. Because he is a Scientologist.

It could be said that it has taken Isaac Hayes a long time to resign . . . the episode was made last year. But it is probably more pertinent to say, as the Guardian did on Wednesday, that resigning from South Park because it is offensive is a bit like criticising the Antiques Roadshow for focusing on old things. In an Irish context, it is a bit like refusing to go on Questions & Answers because it is full of boring old politicians.

The most impressive thing about South Park is its absolute consistency of attack. Against every patronising Eurocentric condemnation of US culture, South Park shines like the beacon of true liberty that it is. As Trey Parker, one of the creators of South Park, put it : "In 10 years and more than 150 episodes, Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons and Jews."

To which the only possible response is: 150 episodes? Who knew there were so many? We need not worry about the future of South Park. We may worry about the future of Isaac Hayes. We may worry about the future of our own little self-satisfied country. We may even worry about the future of Scientology.

Tom Cruise got it all wrong. The most shocking thing in the Scientology episode was watching those evil recruiters taking the money Stan had saved up for a new bicycle. Now that really was damning.




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