However, where should I go in case I need 'emergency provisions' over the course of the weekend?

There are literally dozens of shops that stock Tayto crisps and Club Orange, roysh, in case you're caught short. Additionally, a number of pubs along Baggot Street will be selling Irish stew and, like, bread-and-butter pudding for those who don't want to risk a reaction from the local fare.

What's all this hullabaloo about the Berkeley Court, boy? Would they serve the like of me in there?

Everything's possible, though Munster supporters considering visiting Dublin 4's most prestigious hotel should bear three things in mind . . . (1) a pint costs more than three euros, (2) you may be asked to leave your bodhran outside, and (3) the resident pianist won't do Neil Diamond numbers on request.

Also, if you do go in, remember to remove your outside coat . . . that way you'll get the benefit of it when you go out.

Is the water in Dublin safe to drink?

Totally. I'd recommend Evian, Vittel and Volvic.

Is there a Supermacs in Dublin, boy?

Yes. Following a shock report by the World Health Organisation in 1996, which revealed that thousands of country students studying in Dublin were suffering from malnutrition, it was decided to open a number of aid shelters in the city centre, roysh, where boggers could enjoy countrystyle fries, burgers, chicken, pizzas, fish and ice-cream all under one roof.

In time, these aid centres came to bear the Supermacs logo. Dublin now has almost as many Supermacs outlets as Charleville. They are situated at Heuston Station and O'Connell Street . . . Dublin's main thoroughfare, which, before you ask, was not named in honour of Munster's international second-row.

Those Munster-branded balloons you can buy on the Munster rugby website . . .

would they do me for protection if I got lucky, like?

Maybe not. If you want to avoid bringing any more Pats and Mossies into the world, there are condom machines in the gents in Break for the Border, Club M, Copperface Jacks and the Garda Club on Harrington Street.

All will be fully stocked on Friday night in anticipation of the weekend.

As far as the ould drink goes, I'd be a Murphy's man meself. In fact I only know Murphy's and also Bulmers, which is what herself drinks. Is it true that this Heineken shower, who sponsor the Cup, make beer?

Yes, you've been well advised.

Heineken . . . known in this port of the world simply as Ken . . . is south Dublin's most popular beer, roysh. Founded by Gerard Adriaan Heineken in Amsterdam in 1863, the company now owns 130 breweries in more than 65 countries. During the Leinster Schools Senior Cup . . . when many south Dublin schoolboys abstain from ?the Britneys" . . . up to 14,000 of the company's 61,732 worldwide workforce are either temporarily laid off or put on a three-day week.

I'm from Munster, so I am, and there's nothing I like more than a big hefty bowl of carrots and turnips . . . except singing 'The Fields of Athenry'. I love that song, so I do. Where exactly is Athenry? I can't find it on any map of Munster?

That's because it isn't anywhere near focking Munster. It's in Galway. The song, composed by Pete Saint John, is about the Irish Famine of 1845-49. Its adoption as the unofficial anthem of Munster rugby reflects the great love that its people still have for the potato . . . despite it wiping out half of Ireland's population. Four years ago, a campaign was started to try to come up with a new anthem about somewhere a little closer to home.

'Limerick, You're A Lady' came out on top in a poll but it was ruled out because it sounded sarcastic.

Ronan O'Gara was born in San Diego, Frankie Sheahan in Toronto, John Kelly in Dublin and Rob Henderson in London.

Michael Mullins, Christian Cullen, Trevor Halstead and Federico Pucciariello were all born somewhere foreign as well. Has anyone ever played for Munster who's actually from the place?

Aparrently not. In fact, roysh, the closest any Munster player has ever come to being born in actual Munster is Jerry Flannery. He's from Galway, roysh . . . not far from Athenry!

The wife's planning to go shopping in Dublin while I'm at the match. However, she always finds it difficult to understand the girls who do work in the shops up there. The foreign ones is fine . . .

it's the Dublin girls she has problems making herself understood to, like.

What's the sceal there?

Despite Dublin's boundless prosperity, literally hundreds of south Dublin teenage girls are forced to work parttime in shops to cover the cost of going to Wesley disco in a skirt that wouldn't cover a Barbie doll's orse. Famously, roysh, these girls can maintain not just two conversations, but two moods while they work . . . treating customers with chip-on-the-shoulder apathy, while conducting a perfectly pleasant conversation with their friend on the next till . . . or even over the phone. It would be well worth your while, roysh, learning some conversational South Dublin Shop Girl. It contains many inflections but is relatively easy to pick up. If, for instance, you hand over a 20 note for an item that costs, say, 17.65, you will probably be asked, Have you not got the 65?" which literally means, ?My old man paid two grand to send me to maths grinds at the Institute for two years . . . I just couldn't be orsed doing the arithmetic." Or if you ask whether the shop has an item you like in your size, the response will likely be, Is there not one on the rail?" which roughly translates, My dad is, like . . . oh my God . . . SO focking loaded. I shouldn't have to do this."

I only go up to the big shmoke once a year, on the ould Immaculate Conception, to buy the Christmas clothes for the kids, like. I'm often struck by the number of SUVs there are on the southside. What's the deal there, boy?

According to the Central Statistics Office, 74% of the SUVs manufactured in the world end up in south Dublin, roysh, the vast majority of them driven by south Dublin housewives.

The reasons are as much geographic as, like, socio-economic. Many of south Dublin's best known fee-paying secondary schools are unreachable in conventional road-only vehicles.

Blackrock College, for instance, is built at the top of a mountain with a sharp pitch that has been compared to the north face of the Eiger. Mount Anville, roysh, is Ireland's highest school, situated 5,900 feet above sea level and can only be reached overland. St Michael's is regarded as one of the most formidable challenges in mountaineering and has claimed the lives of, like, hundreds of experienced climbers, not to mention Junior Cert students.

I'm one of those Munster fellas who's a bit of an ould character. I love travelling, so I do, and meeting people from different background and cultures, like. If I meet a Leinster fan over the weekend, how should I greet him, like?

Well, a high-five is, like, traditional, often accompanied by an obnoxiously loud roar of, 'How the fock are you?'

Bear in mind, though, that Leinster fans are often difficult to pick out, as many wear the team's alternative strip of a pink Ralph Lauren airtex with blond streaks. A word of warning, though. While Leinster fans are known the world over for their good behaviour, up to 12 Toulouse supporters are known to have lost eyes during the team's most recent visit to France, after straying too close to those dangerously high shirt collars.

It's always worth being mindful of the dangers.

I've been following Munster donkey's years, so I have. This year I've been so busy supporting Paul O'Connell, Anthony Foley and the lads that I forgot to plant my potatoes on Paddy's Day. Am I after leaving it too late, like?

No, you haven't. St Patrick's Day is the traditional reminder for people to plant potatoes, rather then a cut-off date. In fact, in England, roysh, most people put them down on Good Friday, which was in the middle of April this year. Make sure and get them down before you leave for the match. Use the mulching method for the best harvesting results.

I'm pretty certain that at some point in the last few years we lost a European Cup final to a team called Northampton, who I've never heard of since. Was that only a dream, like?

Yeah, roysh . . . you wish! It happened alroysh. And what makes it even more of a humiliation for Munster is that it was, like, officially only the second good thing ever happen to Northampton . . . after the Doc Martens factory that keeps most of the town's inhabitants just above the breadline.

Some useful questions and answers for Leinster fans So, like, which team are we then?

The one in blue.