Every week Beirne has a crack at a new job . . . though, as it's only a six-part series, the range is not exhaustive. On Tuesday he had always wanted to be a fitness instructor; the previous week he revealed a boyhood dream of running his own business; the week before that he had a lasting ambition to be a comedian.

And he has long since regarded himself as a writer. Even the most sympathetic listener might suggest that a certain want of focus is getting in the way of his advancement, but who are we to judge?

The series is pacy enough, and Beirne has done his research, but he really should have scripted it, especially as he seems to be the kind of person for whom having a thought and speaking it are one and the same.

In episode three, for example, we found out he had no money, as follows: "Right, I need some cash so. . . I'm at the cash machine nowf 'Please insert your card'f 'You have insufficient funds to complete this transaction'." You get the idea.

Accompanying the verbal incontinence is a cacophony of sound effects. The week he started his novel, we heard (naturally), "Right, I'm going to start writing my novelf" Then, "The first chapter is about a man sitting on a bench by a river."

There were sounds of typing.

"'He sat on a bench by the river'f Right, I'm going to have a cup of tea." Then there was slurping . . . noisy, wet, porcine slurping. Pimp your table manners I say. Then Tuesday's episode was full of embarrassing grunting, as fitness instructor Doug Leonard did whatever it is he does. It sounded like vomiting, or constipation, or no, porn, another area where the sound effects are somehow too much.

Last week's programme was sweet, though, as there was a cute old man in it, a 94-year-old electrician named Paddy Buggle who still goes to work every day.

No programme should be without its cute old man, all benign humour and little aphorisms. They can make the most banal things sound wise.

Buggle said he had always loved his work, and often used to burst into song. Then he burst into song for us, bless him.

You know you need to pimp your own life, though, when you start grieving the loss of The UK Theme on BBC Radio 4. It's a slippery slope now to buying the Telegraph. It's even worse when it's insomnia rather than devilment that has you awake at half-five in the morning to listen to the place where the tune used to be.

For 33 years, Fritz Spiegl's 'multicultural' melody gently heralded the daily commencement of Radio 4 broadcasting. It finally went last Sunday, and it's remarkable how significant this tiny schedule amendment became, with protests, House of Commons motions, a press crusade . . . in, yes, the Telegraph . . . and a massive web campaign to save it.

Radio 4 controller Mark Damazer was accused of wanting change for change's sake, by people who could be accused of resisting change for the sake of resisting change.

It wasn't even a great tune, being a bit too pastoral and folksy and overblown. And yetf It's been replaced by a "news briefing" . . . and see how they flatter us by calling it a "briefing", as if the things that happen in the world depend on us knowing about them. The UK Theme provided a little moment of blameless peace, and doing away with those can bring out the conservative in a person.