Productivity levels low. Let's admit it: Ireland comes to a standstill when the World Cup comes around . . . when we're in it. And this year as we know to our shame, we're not. All that speculation about SSIAs? We know a couple of hundred thousand Irish fans were going to use it for the German adventure. Not now.

Good, say the captains of industry. This year won't be like a leap year of loss, a watershed of waste, an advent of absenteeism (if only they did talk like that).

Yes, this year I predict that Ireland will carry on as normal, catching the odd match to admire the beautiful game but with no stake in the outcome. English League football fans will watch her progress with or without Rooney (strange that, hurting your foot in the game of football). And we will yet again be subjected to the misery of English aspirations being dashed over billions of column inches.

But as much as we think we are not, 'we' are involved. As recent statistics showed, there are 150,000 Polish people in Ireland.

Most of them are doing important work as skilled tradespeople or working in the service industry. The debates are raging as to whether we should support Poland or England (and there are 25,000 British people living here), but that debate is meaningless.

On Tuesday 20 June at 2pm, when Poland play Costa Rica, 150,000 Polish people will down tools. The only plumbers you may get that day will be Brian Keenan or John McCarthy. (They can fix a rad in 10 minutes, so I hear. It must have been those four years chained to one in Beirut. ) The local Spar will be under-staffed. Building work will simply cease. Not only that, but Irish co-workers, seeing the opportunity for afternoon jar, will follow suit, and the whole place will fall apart.

The next day will be even worse. And 15 June, the day after Poland play Germany at 7pm on Wednesday 14 July, will be a writeoff. Thank God the Chinese (60,000), the Lithuanians (45,000) and the Latvians (30,000) didn't qualify or we'd be crippled entirely. And God forbid we did qualify with the rest of them . . . it'd be worse than Ancient Rome. Check out Hogarth's infamous comparative prints of 'Beer St' and 'Gin Lane', you'll get the idea.

"Where's Janek?", the housewives of the land will cry. "He said he'd fix the pipe in the kitchen. He always turns up, like clockwork. | And forget about getting a valet for your over-sized four-wheel drive.

The Irish middle class will see a large hole where their lives used to be; maybe then they will realise how rotten the 1980s were and stop complaining about how everything's changed. Oh, you liked cleaning that Ford Cortina all day Sunday, did you? Were people really nicer? I don't think so. They were definitely drunker.

Maybe I'm being disingenuous. Who am I to say the Poles will carouse and celebrate just like the Irish? Maybe they know how to celebrate in style without going overboard.

Certainly all the Polish blogs I read tout their ability to save, not drink and budget amazingly well. When you consider a Polish teacher makes on average 200 a month back home, it's said Poles in Ireland will spend 50 a week and save the rest.

Polish pub owners say more than half their clientele is Irish anyway and that there will be a huge Irish presence for these matches. I have to say, who would blame the Poles for wanting to splash out during the Germany game. I mean, it's like one of those rematches of the century that we'll get to witness at first hand. I predict double-size Polski issues with every Evening Herald. The Brits and the Dutch have already acquired day-glo storm trooper helmets; the scene is set for some bizarre stuff.

Personally, I will be supporting my friends in Croatia and the USA. And Serbia & Montenegro, in what looks to be their final gig together. And don't put it past Ukraine . . . there's nothing like a country that's just had a revolution, won the Eurovision and is looking for a hat-trick.

Nothing will compare, though, with Tuesday 20 June, the day Ireland stood still. Still, if you can't beat 'em. . . altogether now: "Marsz, marsz, Dabrowski, Z ziemi wloskiej do Polski, Za twoim przewodem Zlaczym sie z narodem." Altogether I said!

Patrick Cullivan can be seen every Thursday Night In Toner's Craic House in Dublin (Music and Comedy Club) at 9pm