"That's all right, " I said. "I'm not selling it."

Raymond Chandler, 'The Lady in the Lake'

GODDAM internet. One minute it's ruffling your hair and acting like the best buddy in the world, and next thing you know, it's biting your ass . . . as our friend Mr Chandler might like to put it.

In the middle of the last week, thanks to Amazon. com, I received my precious copy of the autobiography of famed New York lawyer (and my namesake) Edward Hayes, which has the particularly appealing quote from 'The Lady in the Lake' in the introductory pages. And Ed Hayes's life story happens to have the title 'MOUTHPIECE' in big, strong, capital letters beneath the front cover photo of him in his custom trilby and impeccably sharp hand-made suit.

Same day, the Evening Herald is serving up this afternoon's All-Ireland qualifying game between Meath and Carlow as a contest between 'MEATH' and 'MY BIG MOUTH.' These are not the Herald's words. They're mine.

The Herald actually served up a big dish of all my thoughts on Eamonn Barry (right) and the Meath football team, taken from my writings over the last 12 months.

And there's nothing wrong whatsoever in them doing that, apart from the fact that it was made to look like I'm spoiling for a fight with the team I fought for over 18 years of my life (starting in 1975 as a 13 years-old and ending in 1992. . .thank you very much).

In the old days, before the World Wide Web became one great big library sitting in everyone's spare room, nobody would have been able to remember or find the bits and pieces I had written about my home county in the Tribune. Nowadays, however, a 20-second google can dig up whole bodies of world literature.

So, what's the real story?

Me? I'm not looking to pick a fight with anybody. This afternoon I have the interesting experience awaiting me of managing my 'birth' county against my 'home' county in a game of football in Dr Cullen Park, and hopefully the game of football will be conducted in an entertaining and civilised manner. I'd also, ideally, like the scores to be close by the end of the afternoon.

I may shake Eamonn Barry's hand, or I may not . . . it doesn't really matter.

We're not friends, we're not enemies, I don't like very much what he has had to say since taking upon himself the monumental task of following in Sean Boylan's footprints and, I'm pretty sure, he's had a few things to say to friends and family about me. This game is not about the two of us. It's much more important than that. For us . . . and us means Carlow, okay? . . . it's about looking to defeat a team which is ranked about 20 places above us in the great GAA scheme of things. It's also about learning to live with pressure, and discover what we can become as a team.

That did not happen against Laois.

After 23 minutes, when the game was effectively over and Laois were leading by 1-5 to 0-0, we had no trouble playing the sort of football we are capable of playing. But the videotape (Gaelic football's 'black box' which is searched for and examined after every game, but particularly after 'disasters') showed that Laois crossed our 40-yard line 12 times before we scored our opening point in that 23rd minute at O'Moore Park.

Carlow, interestingly, amazingly in fact, had crossed the Laois 40-yard line 13 times in that same period of time. We had 13 attacks without a single reward.

The pressure got to us on each of those occasions. We panicked. We didn't believe. We stood off, we watched, we waited . . . all signs of a team intimidated and scared, and worried that it is out of its depth. Gaelic football is a much easier game to play when you accept, in your heart, that you have no legitimate chance of winning the game.

It's a fact.

For Carlow to have any chance of defeating Meath this afternoon we've got to play the game, and do everything we know we can do, from the very first minute. We're got to have a referee who does NOT believe that Meath are certain winners of this game. And, we've got to make Meath panic. Easier said than done . . . that last little bit. A team which has Graham Geraghty lurking around at the scoring end of the field, and which has Ollie Murphy, Daithi Regan, Ray Magee, Brian Farrell and Jody Sheridan all keeping him company at different stages is, perhaps, one of the most dangerous attacking forces in the country right now. The Meath team may be struggling to get back into the GAA's Top 10, but these forwards as a unit are inside the game's Top 5.

Whatever Eamonn Barry's rebuilding problems, and these will continue for a year or two at least, he's got men who could shoot any team out of the water at any time. Meath could have had Wexford belly-up, and sucking for air, midway through their Leinster quarterfinal clash last month. Instead points were not picked off, fantastic goal chances went abegging, and Meath lost by a sackful of points.

This is a very dangerous Meath team.

They could do anything, on any given day.

Today? I don't know whether Eamonn Barry and his 'minders' are going to get some old quotes of mine from recent months and sellotape my words to the wall of the Meath dressing-room in big bold letters. I suspect they might.

In our dressing-room, I'm not too worried about Barry or his team. I've got my own job to do, and counting heads has been one of those chores these last few weeks. Our goalkeeper went on his holidays last Wednesday morning. Our team captain went 'missing' on Thursday evening. In the next few days our fullback is heading to the States. A great many people in Carlow are of the impression that only 70 minutes football, and whatever time is added on for injuries, is left to be played this summer. Who knows?

My only wish, win or lose, is that Eamonn Barry agrees with me this evening, and understands what I've been talking about these last 12 months. And quietly tells people after the game that, given half a chance, he'd be happy to take more than half my team back to Meath with him.