Remember Chris's 'Nothing's Happening By The Sea'.

Nothing this week except scintillating links golf, two aces, that four iron, those natterjacks. . . and John Daly (right).

If you aren't familiar with Chris Rea's discography the chances are you were totally stumped by the Beeb's musical repertoire for Open 2006.

Clearly when the golf boffins in Bush House consulted the gurus in Grams they mentioned that the last time the Open was played in Hoylake music was played on Edison's Novelty Phonographs, Radio Luxie was in its infancy and, as Gary Lineker reminded us, England were World Cup champions. Yes, it was that long ago.

Cue a plethora of raves from the graves (and I'm not talking about Faldo, Seve and Langer) which would have kept Larry Gogan going on the Golden Oldies show for an eternity. On Wednesday's Preview show we got The Doors, The Beatles and Procul Harum whose 'Whiter Shade of Pale' did not seem an inspired choice given the brownness of Hoylake (apart from two green patches around a sprinkler and the lurid green pipings on Ian Poulters' Friday tailoring when he was justly described as looking like "a man who was auditioning for 'Strictly Come Golfing'"). 'Whiter Shade of Pale' did, however, suit the ashen faces of the European hopefuls as they headed towards weekend idleness with a collective meekness which augurs poorly for a certain event this September. Captain Tom Lehman did not make the cut but he tried valiantly. Meanwhile, Woosie was flogging Glenmuir sweaters on Setanta Sports.

Despite the epic efforts of a Tiger, the Big Easy's exquisite touches and Jim Furyk's awesome wall-of-death bunker escape, it was the music which stole the show.

The music and John Daly.

Though, in truth, it's impossible to separate the Wild Thing (aka The Thrash Prince of Royal OOB ) from music. Or from Diet Coke.

John revealed to Dougie Donnelly . . . it is quite amazing what people actually reveal to Dougie . . . that the highlight of his week was playing two songs in The Cavern on Tuesday. No prices for guessing the his choice.

He had two stunning out of bounds on the 18th on Friday. OBs so stunningly nonsensical they even rendered Shane O'Donoghue . . . the only south of the border Irishman to survive the cut . . . obmutescent. For a micro second.

Asked why he only played two songs, Daly revealed that it was because he only knew two songs. He also only knows two shots. In bounds and out of bounds.

We also learned that Daly is, a la Dubya, fond of Diet Coke. He intakes 514 gallons per annum according to a BBC caption which would win any Pub Ammo competition anywhere.

But if Diet Coke is the effervescent potion that fuels the Wild Thing's game plan . . .

bash, biff, blonk, reload, reload, MC . . . it was music which dominated the Beeb's coverage. Even Peter Alliss, who missed the first morning either because he had such a good time at the Nicklaus bash in the Burlo or because of his ongoing spat with Lineker, couldn't stop spouting about music. He'll probably be taking over from Dave Fanning in the 2FM reshuffle.

Butterfly-hunter Ken Browne must be a shoo-in for Derek Mooney's slot.

Amidst his customary moans about today's pampered pros and slow play, Alliss expatiated about the golf club origins of The Beatles. He told some tall tale which was as creditable as suggesting that 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds' was inspired by Mickelson's flop shots. Alliss also revealed that he was a big fan of Robbie Williams. All we need to know now is that Renton Laidlaw (banished to BBC Worldwide . . . the stuff you get on Setanta) is a big Arctic Monkeys fan and Alec Hay an Arcade Fire groupie.

There was some golf talk too on the Beeb with "bombs" "shorties" and "anti-shanks". Some golf too. Mainly by the Yanks, the South Africans, the Aussies (all of whom, with the exception of the PM and the Tri-Nation team were taking part and/or commentating) and the South Koreans. Everyone except the Europeans. "Our young players and established stars have not made a good fist of the Links, " chided Alliss on Friday.

They what! They were a joke. They were at sixes and sevens from day one . . . after they had finished telling Dougie about the unique mystery of links golf. Oh, we Europeans really understand links golf. And as for the Yanks, they'll never get the hang of it.

Bit like the foursomes in the Ryder Cup.

Perhaps our Europeans have spent too much time across the Big Pond themselves and too much time falling for their own fond illusions. It took Monty's young daughter Olivia to tell a wee home truth. She told her dad at 11am on Friday morning that "Tiger is running away with it". The only ones listening were a South African and a few Yankees.

As for the Europeans, they'll be where they usually are on Sunday afternoon . . . in the heat of battle, playing the clutch shots, holing the knee tremblers. Yes they too will be watching it on TV!

Because nothing seems to happen for Europe by the sea.

It's called links golf.