My horse, Quibell, got injured during the grand prix in Aachen, my vet said she couldn't compete for a number of weeks which meant she was out of the grand prix in Lucerne. So I said to Robert Splaine (Irish team manager of senior showjumping squad) that I'd stay at home. He said okay but a little while later he rang me and said, "Look, we really want you in the team, we really need you, come with Meike". I said I'd go but I'm not coming to be fifth man and was given his guarantee that wouldn't be the case. I got there and suddenly I'm fifth man, off the team. Not good enough. I didn't abandon the team. The conditions were terrible and I said to Splaine that you don't need me here, I'll go home and he said fine.

I was disgusted by the fact I wasn't on the team in Lucerne though, and mainly because he had led me completely up the garden path.

And then moving towards the Dublin show I was asked to come and was told they really wanted Quibell. I said I'd love to come but you realise the horse I'd ride in Dublin is not the horse for the World Championships because of the stress and travel. It's two days to Dublin, too short a time before the World Championships. They said we want you here, the World Championships are not that important. That was no problem but I wasn't going to Dublin to be treated like a piece of dirt again. Suddenly, Robert said Quibell would have to prove she is good enough for the team. Enough.

Thank you very much. This is the horse that won the richest grand prix in the world, ranked number three in the world and I really don't think she has to prove anything to anyone. That was the last conversation I had with Robert Splaine.

I don't know what the problem is but I'm very proud to ride for Ireland and as long as they don't push me too far I'll continue to ride for Ireland individually. But if they want to keep pushing, they may push me over the edge but up to now I've resisted walking away from representing Ireland individually.

I'm based in Germany and it's a completely and utterly different attitude here. The other riders are totally bamboozled I'm not going to the World Championships and have asked me on many occasions to come and ride for the German team. It's something I've resisted because I'm very proud to ride for Ireland and judging from the emails I've been receiving, there are a lot of people very proud that I ride for Ireland.

And those in Irish showjumping should be glad I'm based in Germany. They should be pleased any of their riders are out of the country because the sport in Ireland is abysmal. Since I left Ireland 13 years ago, nothing has changed. It needs to become more professional, it is very difficult to have professional riders being ruled by amateurs. In the long term, I think the only resolution is that they stop treating their riders like dirt and start treating the riders and horses like professional athletes. Perhaps the people who are in the jobs at the moment don't understand the situation, I'm not sure, but I know that I'm not alone in my feelings on the subject.

But people must understand this is an individual sport with team events and when we get to a show, we want to compete. We have to make our living. I'm the best Irish rider and I have been over a long long stretch and I don't see any reason why, if I'm picked for a team, I should be fifth rider.

I would love to ride on the team in Dublin, but they have made it impossible for me.

I've now changed my plans and I'm going to do individual shows elsewhere rather than compete on the Irish team. I have no problem telling anyone all of this because it's what has been happening.

I've performed really well, yet I've been treated like dirt, and I'm not going to let it happen ever again.

Jessica Kurten is currently ranked number two in the world of showjumping In conversation with Ewan MacKenna