Best chat
The Russell Brand Show Friday, Channel 4, 11.05pm
The Jack Sparrow of television faces his biggest challenge yet, by taking on Jonathon Ross's protected Friday night slot. Can Brand transform his coke-fuelled lunacy, big hair and penchant for skinny scarves and jeans onto a 'proper' stage? Celebrity interviews, topical chat and the ultimate show-axer 'comedy sketches' will make up the programme, along with a few live musical performances. Can he pull it off?
Best comedy
Jam and Jerusalem Friday BBC1, 9.30pm
Written by Jennifer Saunders, this new comedy has a phenomenal cast; Pauline McLynn, Maggie Steed, Joanna Lumley, Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French to name but most of them. Sal (Sue Johnston) is a community nurse in the west country town of Clatterford, who forces herself to join the local Woman's Guild when her husband, a grumpy doctor, dies suddenly. With so many big names on board, it has the makings of something great.
Best food
Corrigan Knows Food Tuesday, RTE One, 7pm
Michelin-starred chef Richard Corrigan spent most of last week bitching about Irish sausages, so thankfully, it's salmon on the menu this week when he travels to Castletownsend in west Cork. Sally Barnes and her daughter Jolene smoke awardwinning salmon. Meanwhile, there's the very dubious 'celebrity fridge' segment where Brendan O'Carroll open his food store in Cribs style.
Best guilty pleasure
Whistler/Falcon Beach RTE Two, Monday, 7pm/8pm
In fairness, I've only got into these two teen dramas because I'm on TV in between them (pluggy pluggy), but with these programmes, like RTE, once you get in, it's very hard to get out. Whistler is a sexy teen drama set in a ski resort (as I like to call it, the 'Snow-C', guffaw. ) It's all drug-dealing, one-night stands, kinky parties and massive scraps. Camden Street on student night, basically. Then there's the slightly more innocent Falcon Beach, based in a 'financial resort town', where the main activities are wakeboarding and creating sexual tension. Two trashy winners.
Best documentary
Saddam's Road To Hell Monday, Channel 4, 8pm
With Saddam facing the gallows, this film looks at the 8,000 Kurdish men and boys who went missing during the early part of the dictator's rule in Iraq. Filmmaker Gwynne Roberts travels through Iraq querying Saddam's involvement in this mass murder and its present-day impact.
Best films
Apocalypse Now (1979) Today, RTE Two, 9pm
With conflicts raging all across the world and dozens dying daily in Iraq, now is a better time than ever for RTE to launch it's sensitive 'WAR SEASON' film programming.
Hmm. This stellar cast of Marlon Brando, Martin Sheen, Robert Duvall, Harrison Ford and Denis Hopper interpret Joseph Conrad's Heart Of Darkness in Vietnam in 1969. A harrowing account of wartime insanity.
Jurassic Park 3 (2001)
Today, RTE Two, 6.25pm More dinosaurs.
Lord of the Rings . . .Return of the King Today, Channel 4, 8pm
The third in Peter Jackson's epic trilogy, aka 'A Very Long Walk', finds Frodo and Sam guided by Gollum within sight of Mordor. Facts about Lord of the Rings:
1. We all have a mate who we think looks a little bit like a hobbit;
2. It's funny, not creepy to refer to your boyfriend/girlfriend as 'my precious' in a Gollum voice;
3. No one read The Hobbit;
4. You secretly want Frodo to turn evil and keep the ring.
Wall Street (1987) Friday, RTE One, 11.50pm
The ultimate yuppie flick tells the story of a young stockbroker, Bud Fox (Charlie Sheen) trying his darndest to make his way to the top - plenty of those around the IFSC these days. Anyway, Gordon Gekko (Michael Doughlas) teaches him that greed is good and guides him through a seedy and exciting 80s world. Shoulder pads optional.
Talk To Her (2002) Saturday, RTE Two, 1am
Why oh why is this film on so late? The mind, it boggles. Pedro Almodovar directs this love story where two men meet at a private clinic where the women in their lives are coincidently both in comas. Despite the melodrama, this is a fine human story.
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