MOST COLOURFUL QUOTE "Our lads are dead, only to wash them." Babs Keating.

MOST WILDLY NON-PC MATCH REPORT Barrie Henriques waxing lyrical in the Kilkenny People on an unexpected interlude in some obscure junior match in south Kilkenny. "Another pleasant feature of the game was the appearance on the field of the Carrigeen firstaid personnel. Without fear of contradiction I can say that I have never seen such delicious young beauties administer first aid anywhere. Their appearance prompted one wag to remark, 'Jazus, if I saw them two coming to give me first aid, I would stay down for half an hour at least'."

ACHIEVEMENT IN THE FIELD OF PERSISTENCE Shared for the second year running by Camross and Castletown who once again took lumps out of each other.

BIGGEST GOBDAW IN CYBERSPACE The Tipp loyalist who posted on Premierview urging that a certain journalist who'd written an article he objected to - a Sunday Tribune scribe, as it happened, though that's neither here nor there - should be sent emails with virusridden attachments in order to "wreck his laptop". Charming.

BIGGEST GOBDAW NOT IN CYBERSPACE Paul Galvin, pure class by why must he go and ruin it all with the Robbie Savage impressions.

ANNUAL TURKEY SHOOT CHAMPION Ger Loughnane. He was bound to after all the effort he put in behind the scenes.

BARBRA STREISAND IRRITABLE VOCALS AWARD The trio that played during the half-time interval of the second international rules test. Began by singing a song titled 'Australia' (the fact that the away supporters hugged and waved their flags throughout a long, long rendition is proof of just how cheesy it was); followed it up with an effort entitled 'Ireland' and refused to stop there.

AMNESIA AWARD Hill 16 for thinking this was their year. . . again.

SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY AWARD Australian player Lindsay "It's open slather this week" Gilbee forecasting that Graham Geraghty would get his comeuppance in the second of this year's International Rules games.

BEST IMPRESSION OF A MOBILE DISCO The Australian 'runner'. Nickey, will the newly-implemented 'runners' in our own game dress up like total idiots?

WINNER OF USA ASSORTED BISCUITS The Special Achievement Award goes to Dublin's Ciaran Whelan for getting through another season without getting sent off.