THERE'S a secret game played in boardrooms around the world called Buzzword Bingo. In this game each player fills a grid with buzzwords or jargony phrases. If they have four in a row. . . for example "thought-leadership", "convergence", "blue-sky", "lowhanging fruit" . . . and if your boss happens to says all four in a meeting ("we need to get some "thought-leadership" on the issue of "convergence". We must pluck some of the "lowhanging fruit" in this "bluesky" area!"), then you get to shout "bingo!"

I'm not promising that your boss will actually like this, but it might be good for your sanity. Because in the business world we are afloat in a sea of jargon. Sometimes it seems that it's not about what you say but that you're speaking at all. And as we all know, buzzwords and jargon are what we reach for when we want a credible way of saying nothing.

Speak a lot. Say a little. So here's a guide to the buzzwords and jargon we all overused in 2006.

Jargon that's going out Proactive: This is definitely yesterday's buzz word. Even the buzziest speaker is afraid of using "proactive" these days.

In fact, we at the Sunday Tribune contend that this term is so uncool that it's probably due to become cool again. So let's get proactive people.

Set out your stall: To "put your cards on the table", as it were. It's old-school because, in these days of Amazon and iTunes, a lot of young execs don't even know what a "stall" is.

Push the envelope: When middle-managers want some creative thinking they often exhort their people to "push the envelope". But be warned, in general they're really looking for someone to gently nudge the envelope. Don't "rock the boat".

Thinking outside the box: This often prompts the response, "If you want me to think outside the box, let me out of this cubicle".

Joined-up thinking: Similar to "getting on the same page".

Often the managing directors who have outsourced all their services to smaller contract companies suddenly find they need more "joined-up thinking".

Wow factor: A mediocre selling point that has been puffed up to the point of farce.

Lets get our ducks in a row:

I was terribly disappointed at my first business meeting to discover this wasn't a literal statement. "We have ducks!" I said with glee. What it really means is "to get one's affairs in order" (sigh).

Self-starter: A lie that people typically put in their curriculum vitae. The thought process goes thus: "I often put my own shoes on in the morning so, in a way, I'm a self-starter. I'll put that in my CV."

Jargon of 2006 Abbreviations: There seems to have been a huge over-reliance on acronyms and abbreviations this year, which seems designed to befuddle people who aren't in your sector into giving you money, and to convince people who are in your sector that you can out-bullshit them. "Hey JR what's the USP of this SME so that we can get some FDI from the VCs for some R&D, ASAP?" This is just gibberish and some day a small child is going to tell you just that.

Human capital: A euphemism for wage slaves and consumer drones. There is a lot of talk about how "we are in the people business". This is just a euphemism for "this is a slave trade and we plan to steal your best ideas".

Blue sky: A way of saying this is a) very exciting because nobody has been in this area before and b) there is possibly no money in this whatsoever . . .

for example, "supplying booties for swans is a blue sky area that I am very excited about".

Nouns as verbs and verbs as nouns: This really took off this year. If you want to seem dynamic then use a noun as a verb and a verb as a noun. For example: "Lets action this!"

or "What's the spend?" This latter question often causes me to shout "It's 'what's the cost?' you illiterate buffoon!

What in %$&% is a 'spend'? !"

Low-hanging fruit: This refers to easily-gotten gains. The term is often used by alphamale types to create a primal, manly atmosphere in the boardroom, and to perpetuate the notion that we are all really just glorified huntergatherers. When people use the term "low hanging fruit" (and I've used it myself), they really mean to say, "Look at my arse. It's redder than the chief baboon's. I will lead the tribe".

The knowledge economy:

Every city in Europe is trying to brand itself as "a knowledge economy". Essentially this means we are all too expensive for manufacturing industries and we have to pluck something out of our asses before the recession kicks in (I suspect I know what's in our asses).

Web 2.0: This year, the people who sold us magic internet beans in 1999 have successfully rebranded the web and are selling us newer, shinier beans. We'll be calling it Web 3.0 early next year and probably 4.0 later in the year. But remember, The Godfather II was better than the original so maybe we should believe the hype.

Blog: A word used by internet consultants to extort huge amounts of consultancy fees from companies that have been dazzled by a Powerpoint presentation.

Thought leadership: This is just "leadership" with the added ingredient of "good ideas". Implied is the notion that plain old "leadership" is for idiots like Henry V, Padraig Pearse, Churchill and FDR.

Disambiguate: Technically, to 'disambiguate' means to clarify a piece of data. However, the use of the word often creates the opposite situation and is followed by the phrase: "What does disambiguate mean?"

The helicopter view: Although "overview" is faster and easier to say, for some reason "the helicopter view" has taken over in recent years.

Elevator pitch: Your two-line business plan, ready to fly from your mouth that time you end up in a lift with Rupert Murdoch.

Face time: Before the age of mass media communication, the idea that one of the most sought-after things in the new age would be a face-to-face meeting would have been laughable. So face time is that much sought after face-to-face meeting. I prefer to think of face time as more like "Hammer-Time" except involving Face from the A-Team.

Convergence: It is assumed that convergence is a good thing, no matter what things are converging. This can't always be true. Dr Moreau, for example, converged people with chickens, and otters with elephants. He was nuts. All around the world there are business plans being created in which wireless telephony is being converged with toasted ham sandwiches, and email is being converged with fridges, all under the spurious assumption that if you can blend two concepts together . . . it's better!

Jargon to watch for Geek gap: This refers to the difference in technical knowledge between those who create technology and the less technical people who use it. There is, for example, a "geek gap" between yourself and your 13year-old nephew who installs your software.

Webinar: A seminar about or on the web. This is a terrible term.

Please don't use it.

Lifelong learning: This will replace "training" in the brochures very soon. Its main benefit is that it's warm and fuzzy and it makes me picture myself in a rocking chair reading Proust. In reality, "lifelong learning" really means "re-skill or be fired!"

Blamestorm: A finger-pointing session. "I wouldn't go in there if I were you. Somebody leaked the USP to a VC and there's a real 'blamestorm' going down."

Presenteeism: The opposite of absenteeism. It is a totally redundant word. It's the negative of a negative. If you use it too much you will cease to exist.