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Those cheeky old 'celebrities' . . . still faking fame in the new year
Una Mullally



Not content with a summer watching a bunch of wannabes sit in a house, Celebrity Big Brother is back, so we can still watch a bunch of wannabes sit in a house. . . in January WHAT advertisers call 'event television' doesn't get much bigger than the opening night of Celebrity Big Brother, the VIP off-shoot of the most criticised, viewed and imitated franchise in the history of television. The series is a blessing to the slow tabloid news days of January and the sluggish post-Christmas television schedule. And as the festive season's economic hangover drags along, most people have no option but to stay in and watch the box, a large chunk of which will be monopolised for 25 days by the fifth instalment of CBB.

This summer will mark the eighth year of regular Big Brother on British television, and as the viewing figures show . . . a staggering 7.1 million people tuned in for CBB's first night last Wednesday . . . the format is not so much emitting the last gasps of its existence, but yelps of vitality.

Last year, it provided us with one of the abiding images of 2006: the MP George Galloway on all fours pretending to lap milk from actress Rula Lenska's cupped hands. It is unlikely that 2007 will offer such a talking point, given that none of the contestants who entered the house last week were as controversial or inappropriate as Galloway.

But they'll try. The most likely candidate is Jermaine Jackson. Apart from leaving black smudges on his pillow from shoe-polished hair, the Dubai resident and former co-lead in the Jackson 5 has already provided titbits of information about his brother Michael who, we were informed, is in Las Vegas, and will be watching the programme online. Upon hearing this, presenter Davina McCall was visibly shaken as she quivered:

"Michael Jackson is watching." Speaking of McCall, it says something about the calibre of Big Brother contestant when the people presenting the show . . . herself, Dermot O'Leary and Russell Brand . . . are far more famous than anyone inside.

The elder statesman of the house is film director Ken Russell who, at 79, is a huge fan of Big Brother and plans to make a movie about it, adding to a controversial back catalogue that includes Women In Love, The Devils of Loudun and his adaptation of The Who's Tommy. Most of his time in the house has been spent keeping other contestants awake with his snoring. Danielle Lloyd attempted to stop him doing so by touching his bum. It didn't work.

Considerably less prolific than Russell is poor Jo O'Meara whose post-S Club 7 music career failed miserably. "It would be fabulous if we was [sic] at home watching it [Big Brother], " she said, subconsciously and perhaps unintentionally wishing for cloning, which funnily enough was the plot of the S Club 7 film in which she starred.

So far, Leo Sayer . . . the alpha male of the pack . . . and Cleo 'Whiplash' Rocos have emerged as probable winners, although the most media attention has been earned by Shilpa Shetty.

News of the Bollywood actress taking part in the reality TV programme has been peppering the front pages of Indian newspapers.

Whether similar attention will be sustained in the British and Irish media over a motley bunch of contestants for whom the alphabet doesn't extend far enough to include them on any sort of fame list is unlikely. Then again, the art-imitatingart moment of Big Brother 2002 contestant Jade Goody and her unconventional family unit joining the housemates may boost the headlines.

Mother-of-two Goody only came fourth in the 2002 series of Big Brother but has amassed an £8m fortune, making her the most successful contestant of all time.

She arrived on Friday night with her mother Jackiey Budden and boyfriend Jack Tweedy, forcing eight of the original contestants to be shipped out to servants' quarters in a separate part of the house. Loudmouth singer Donny Tourette . . . an occasional boyfriend of Peaches Geldof and favourite to be first evicted . . . responded by scaling the CBB fence to freedom after refusing to act as Goody's servant. He will not be returning to the reality show.

All six members in the main house . . . the Goodys, along with Jackson, Russell and Shetty . . . will now face a public vote in a surprise eviction next Wednesday.

CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER 2006 Winner: Chantelle Houghton Runner-up: Michael Barrymore Others: Maggot, Samuel Preston, Pete Burns, Traci Bingham, Dennis Rodman, George Galloway, Rula Lenska, Faria Alam, Jodie Marsh, Jimmy Savile (guest)
CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER 2005 Winner: Bez Runner-up: Kenzie Others: Brigitte Nielsen, Jeremy Edwards, Caprice, Lisa I'Anson, John McCririck, Jackie Stallone, Germaine Greer (walked)
CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER 2002 Winner: Mark Owen Runner-up: Les Dennis Others: Melinda Messenger, Sue Perkins, Anne Diamond, Goldie
CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER 2001 Winner: Jack Dee Runner-up: Claire Sweeney Others: Keith Duffy, Anthea Turner, Vanessa Feltz, Chris Eubank




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