And then there was the chicken burger on the table before me, ready to glower and growl with demented genes.

To eat or not to eat, that was the question.

I decided to horse into it. And just to put myself in the mood for crazy chicken, I went in search of the pulse of the nation, and found it talking to Joe.

First up was the streaker.

He had put in an appearance at Croke Park on Saturday night, and now he was prostrating himself before the nation once more. We weren't told whether or not he was wearing clothes on the radio. Streaking was his thing, that and press-ups. He streaked all over the place. "I streaked at parties mostly, " he told Joe. "Did it in a nightclub once or twice." And the press-ups, were they mutually exclusive to the streaking?

"Do them anywhere, yeah, in the nude, with clothes, whatever." He said Saturday night was a highlight of his life. If he could get a ticket, he'd streak at Sunday's match.

Then his ma came on the line to put a stop to his streaking. She confirmed that he did the press-ups at home, but with his clothes on. "As for this rubbish that he goes around streaking, it's the first I heard of it, " Mother Streaker said.

Next up were a stream of young women who claimed they were stiffed by this restaurateur called Marcus.

He owed them lots of money.

And this Marcus person was being splashed across the papers as a millionaire with pots of money. The chicken was going down a bomb now.

Then Marcus decides to talk to Joe. It's all a misunderstanding. He will sort everybody out. Joe begins talking to him about his private life that has gone public over the last few weeks in the media.

"I'm getting a lot of flak over my break-up with Ireland's top model, Katie French, " Marcus said. Ireland's top model? Says who?

I thought Ireland's top model was your woman Glenda what'sherface, whose photograph is in all the papers on bank holidays and holy days of obligation.

This Marcus and his model, they got engaged a while back when Marcus bought her a hotel in Dubai or something as an engagement present.

Then, a few weeks ago, they split up after Marcus walked in on Katie modelling lingerie while draped across a dining table in the restaurant. It's unclear whether or not there was a chicken on the table as well.

Marcus blew a fuse and that was the end of that.

Guess who's next in the queue? Ireland's top model herself, or alleged thereof.

She told Joe that somebody had released to the papers saucy texts Marcus sent her after the knicker shoot. Who could that possibly be?

Anyway, it's all over with the golden couple, but at least they'll always have Dubai.

By this stage, the burger was glowing and sweet images were flowing through my mind. I saw before me an old-world restaurant, with this Marcus beavering around the place, as three young women tore after him, looking for the shirt off his back. The waiter was none other than our friend the Streaker, who was black and blue from the hammering his Ma gave him. Seated at one of the tables was Joe. He was in his birthday suit and talking to himself. Draped across another table was Ireland's top model, wearing little but her knickers. And high above them all, a flashing red sign bore the legend - "Chicken Central".

Soon the fun was over and the chicken was gone. I was really feeling better about myself, as if I'd just been given a huge lift.

Sometimes, if you're down, you can be exposed to other specimens of humanity and it makes you realise that you don't really have any problems at all.