She's running in May's general election in the Dublin South Central constituency. And there she is in all her monochromatic glory: not all glammed up and airbrushed to within an inch of her life as in her stage show Legends - which has been touring the US with former Dynasty diva Linda Evans - but stoically hoisting a black bin-liner over her shoulder on a housing estate in Dublin 12. (Believe it! ) If you want to stay relevant, as Madonna shows, you have got to keep the punters guessing. And forget her fleeting, ill-judged support for Robert Kilroy-Silk of the UK Independence Party. Joan Collins is back. And this time, like Bertie Ahern, she's a socialist. (If he can be one, then so can she. ) But it makes sense. I remember a story Joan Collins told when she was out of work and raising her three kids. She lined up in the unemployment office in a Grace Kelly headscarf and sunglasses, so no one would recognise her at the scratcher. Then a woman shouted, "Omigod!

It's JOAN COLLINS!" Poor Joan dropped her social-welfare cheque and fled. (That was the last time they heard the clickety-click of her kitten heels in that dole office, let me tell you. ) Forget socialism or the UK Independence Party, I'm surprised she didn't turn to communism after that little episode.

Oh, wait. . . hang on to the seat of your penthouse. While this Joan Collins, the one from Dublin 12, has a thick mane of dark hair and her own particular kind of sparkle, she is councillor Joan Collins, who was elected as an anti-bin-tax socialist councillor in 2004 and is running as an Independent in May. But she does share the other Joan's drive, if not her wardrobe or, I imagine, her array of hair pieces.

"She has delivered on her promise of ACTION, NOT WORDS." (Her capitals, not mine. ) "Joan is helping people to get organised in Crumlin, Drimnagh and Walkinstown, so that redevelopment does not just mean how many high-rise apartments speculators can squeeze into every available space."

Bravo! Joan also says only the US has greater income inequality than Ireland, which has one of the highest per capita incomes in the world.

(I should add, that depends on how you calculate it. ) Joan wants to keep the children's hospital in Crumlin and says the health crisis is a "scandal".

Apparently, she also initiated a campaign that forced Dunnes Stores to re-employ a young shop steward they had (allegedly) sacked for wearing a union badge.

"If elected, " her flyer reads, "Joan Collins will not vote for either Aherne/McDowell (sic) or Kenny/Rabbitte because there is no difference between them." (She is referring to their combined political - not actual - weight. ) Even if her minions can't spell, I'm still going to vote for my local socialist candidate. Nancy Reagan red may be out, but Joan Collins red is in. Sure, I am only dying to tell people that Joan Collins is my TD.

But both Joans are fighters.

And you know what? I bet Councillor Joan Collins could rule Colbyco, too.