THERE was fear and loathing on the campaign trail on Thursday evening. Oh yes, and not a little money too. Money, money, money. The occasion was the selection convention for the Progressive Democrats in Dublin Mid West. Appropriately on International Women's Day, Mary Harney was the lucky candidate.

Earlier in the day, the party took out a halfpage ad in the Irish Times, but only a quarter page in the Independent. These people know their market.

The convention took place in the Pegasus suite in the Clarion Hotel. All who came to praise Mary and bury the opposition were treated to a lucky bag. Each seat in the suite was adorned with a copy of Stephen Collins' book on the party, Breaking The Mould. General secretary John Higgins told the 150 or so lucky bunnies that money was no object. "There's plenty more copies, " he told delegates. "If you know anyone who admires the party, we will deliver them the book."

For everybody in the audience, there was also a drink voucher at the bar. Where do they get all the moola? For what possible reason are so many wealthy individuals throwing money at a niche party?

At this juncture in the electoral cycle, parties go into their shells, reinvent the past and banish irony from self-analysis.

They all do it, but this outfit approaches it with some panache.

Kicking off proceedings was the party video, spun to the soundtrack of U2's 'City of Blinding Light'. It consisted of top bods telling the party how great thou art. Tim O'Malley posed with a copy of 'Vision For Change', the mentalhealth blueprint which the mentalhealth professionals say he is doing diddly-squat about. Michael McDowell's shots had that old election poster in the background, 'Single Party Government, No Thanks'. He didn't appear embarrassed, despite his subsequent capitulation to Bertie on the dig outs.

You thought the boom was down to a confluence of global and national factors, allied to longterm education and economic policies? Wrong. It was the PDs wot won it, with five percent representation in the D�il since 2002, two percent between then and 1997 and in opposition before that. Never in the field of human endeavour was so much owed by so many to so few.

The video flickered to a close and Harney and McDowell made a grand entrance. Love is passing on the flame and making up. Harney was warmly welcomed by the home crowd. She cranked up the fear mojo, predicting Armageddon if the PDs didn't get back into power.

Then McDowell stepped up. The applause was more respectful than warm.

He went straight into a quasi-American vibe. "Everybody in this room is patriotic, " he said. "We love our country." Ah shucks. Then he asked delegates to take, "not the Coca-Cola/Pepsi test, but the hand-on-the-heart test". Could anybody put their hands on their heart and say that an alternative government wouldn't run the country into the ground? For a moment, it looked like the room was going to rise as one, place hands on heart and belt out 'The Star Spangled Banner'. The moment passed.

He kept mentioning Joe Higgins as if poor Joe was a bogeyman. What has Joe got to do with an alternative government that would land us back in the stone age?

Then, a little pop at the media, some of whom were "self-hating middleclass" people who were obsessed with what was bad in the country. (Memo to self-hating, middleclass media types: Please contact Michael McDowell for instruction in selflove. Results guaranteed. ) By the time he was done, the prospect of the PDs out of power had the room shaken, trembling, full of fear for the country they love.

The past, it would seem, is a different country, one called Never, Never Land.

The future is a promise, which can be placed on the never- never. Keep the head