Name Withheld Q We wouldn't be surprised, since that happens far more often than not. In fact, letting people go in a way that doesn't engender a lot of bitterness is so rare in business you might not think it's possible. I t is .

But it requires an entirely unnatural act for managers:

abiding the person being "red through the whole agonizing process. Because half of "ring correctly is not running away after you say goodbye. The other half is never letting that word be a surprise in the "rst place.

Now, we're not talking about "ring for integrity violations.

When that happens, make sure everyone knows why you're kicking the person out and get on with business.

No, we're talking about letting someone go for underperformance, a much more fraught event for one major reason. In such cases, the person doing the job and the person getting the job done to him are almost always on clashing emotional lifecycles.

Take the case of Bob, a typical A overworked manager who wants minimal angst in his organization, and Richard, a nice subordinate who has been vaguely underperforming for a few years.

Eventually Richard makes enough mistakes that Bob wants him to go.

The decision gnaws at him, though, and for weeks he wrestles with his emotions. He agonizes to his wife, "Richard is going to freak out. He's so clueless - and his daughter just started college."

Meanwhile, Richard continues to plod away. He may sense Bob's awkwardness but assumes it's nothing personal. After all, he reassures himself, his last performance review had no red "ags; it gave him a three-percent raise and some OK comments.

Finally, Richard really blows a project and Bob has had it. He calls him in and lets loose.

"People have been carrying your load for too long and no one can take it anymore, " he says.

"You have to go. I'm sorry."

Richard sits there like he's been sucker-punched. Bob mistakes the silence as acceptance and hastily ends the meeting. Big mistake. Within 24 hours, Richard starts feeling anger and hostility.

No one ever told him he was screwing up! His "ring, he convinces himself, is an outrage.

Now, while Richard is getting madder by the minute, Bob is feeling better than in a long time.

"I "nally did it, " he tells his wife.

"What a relief! I can't wait to "nd someone new."

He asks HR to put together a decent severance package for Richard, gives him two weeks to "settle things up" and then works very hard not to bump into him in the hallway.

Is it any wonder, then, when Richard "les a lawsuit against the company or becomes a whistleblower about a perceived wrongdoing? Or that when Richard is "nally hired by a customer, that company suddenly doesn't want to do business with Bob anymore?

Of course not. And yet, this scenario - the "ring lifecycle - happens again and again in business. As different emotions play out, managers feel relief while their 'victims' feel everything but. That creates a personal and organizational car wreck.

Which brings us back to what managers must do.

Let's start with preventing the surprise of goodbye, which can easily be accomplished with a rigorous system of candid performance evaluations, twice a year at the minimum. Every employee must always know where he stands, especially if it is close to the exit.

With the surprise taken out of goodbye, the only other key to "ring correctly is the "abiding", which preserves the dignity of the person being let go. Start by giving the departing employee six months to "nd a place where his or her skills are a better match and, in that period, "ght any appearance of abandonment.

Yes, you may feel as if you've already spent enough time on the underperforming employee. The facts are you need to spend a bit more. Bob thought his job was done when he "red Richard. It had just begun.

Indeed, a good "ring means you become a coach and advisor.

You take the employee for periodic lunches and check in with him more often than that.

You suggest new career directions or possible companies to join. In every way, you help make their exit as devoid of humiliation as possible.

Look, "ring is the worst part of business for everyone involved. It sounds like it was painful for you - and not nearly painful enough for your manager.