GIVEN the fact that Ireland's miserable loss of dignity in Serravalle was the only piece of Euro 2008 action over the past four months, it's hardly surprising Uefa have attempted to ratchet up a bit of excitement as the qualification process cranks into gear again. On Friday, it was announced they've had 2.5m applications for the million or so tickets available for the Alps next summer. Shades of an anxious theatre promoter attempting to drum up artificial demand for a drastically recast play, as there'll be a lot of disgruntled punters if two of the leads end up being Finland and Scotland.
For, if the 14 spots in Austria and Switzerland were decided now - with a third of the games already played - there'd be a lot of marquee names absent. Of the 14 European teams in Germany last June, six - Portugal, England, Spain, Ukraine, Poland and, above all, world champions Italy - would miss out. The first act of qualification certainly threw up more bigname slayings early on than a particularly malevolent Hitchcock script. Scotland shocking the French, Italy being held at home by Lithuania, Finland winning in Poland, Macedonia securing a draw at Old Trafford, Northern Ireland beating Spain and? ahem, Cyprus humiliating Ireland to name but a few. Such upsets have made for the most open and unpredictable race since the tournament went from eight to 16 teams, and also meant Steve Staunton hasn't been the only manager excusing his side's abject performances because of inconvenient match dates.
Announcing his squad last week, Spanish manager Luis Aragones added to his own back catalogue of questionable statements and racial stereotyping. "We're in a difficult and complex situation, but Spanish players are generally in good condition in this final third of the season."
Of course, that the groups haven't exactly ran according to reputation is down to reasons a little deeper than such seemingly lopsided conditioning regimes. Firstly, there's the alterations made to qualification. Having finally done away with the contrived dramatics of the play-offs, Uefa have cut the 10 shallow groups of Euro 2004 down to a much more congested and far less forgiving seven. In some, as many as five teams are in contention for the two top spots, most notably Group A where only four points separate Finland, Serbia, Poland, Portugal and Belgium.
Secondly, and more pertinently, there are the aftereffects of the World Cup. So often a watershed for international squads, six of the 14 qualifiers have had managerial changes while all have had to cope with the retirement or aging legs of once key personnel - most notably the likes of Zinedine Zidane, Raul and Francesco Totti. As such, many have struggled to gel, resulting in the stoic performances that have characterised matches so far. It's not surprising that two of the World Cup's younger and fresher sides, Germany and Holland, were among the few to immediately find form.
And even they have been devoid of any sort of rhythm, the Germans stuttering to a 1-0 win over Staunton's side and drawing away to Cyprus;
the Dutch only topping their group thanks to the obduracy Marco van Basten has introduced rather than their traditional flair. Among their three wins so far was a constipated 1-0 win in Luxembourg.
However, it all makes for a crucial week ahead, as Staunton won't be the only high-profile coach requiring at least four points to ensure a stay of execution. In Group A, Luiz Felipe Scolari will be hoping the four-month layoff and invigorating form of Cristian Ronaldo finally see Portugal shake off the torpor that has afflicted them since the second round of the World Cup. They'll need to with a tough double of fixtures, hosting Belgium before travelling to second-place Serbia as they look to cut the four-point gap between themselves and Finland at the top of the group. Aragones has even more to do with Spain meanwhile. With two defeats from three so far his side lie nine points off the pace and badly need home wins against Denmark and Iceland. As such Aragones has rang the changes, dropping many of the tired old heads from Real Madrid and Barcelona and building his new side around the Valencia team that are Spain's sole representatives in the Champions League.
Two struggling new appointments - Roberto Donadoni and Steve McLaren - at least have relatively lenient fixtures to inspire confidence, at home to Scotland and a trip to Andorra respectively.
Although before that, England will have to negotiate a difficult trip to Israel.
Which leaves Group C, the only pool to run totally as the bookies intended so far, Turkey rediscovering their fizz of 2002, Otto Rehagel the touch that saw Greece become champions.
Another twist ending in store for 2008? Don't say we didn't warn you.
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