They tell their inspiring story in a new book. Lisa Jewell reports

IT was a club none of the members ever wanted to join. On a warm summer's evening in 2002, the inaugural meeting of the Widows Club took place in a New York bar. The four members, Claudia, Pattie, Julia and Ann, all started out with one thing in common. They had lost their husbands in the World Trade Centre attacks on 11 September.

But as they formed a bond and continued to meet, they discovered they had much more in common than that. The friends took holidays as a group, celebrated birthdays and came together for events like the 9/11 anniversaries.

"I don't mean to sound dramatic but I feel like the Widows Club saved my life, " says Claudia Gerbasi. "It's made all the difference to me. So many people wanted to help us through our grief . . . friends, family, coworkers . . . but what we needed was someone who could say, 'Yes, I know it sucks, hang on in there, ' because they were going through it too."

Claudia was just 32 when she became a widow. Her husband Bart was working in his World Trade Centre office on the morning of 11 September and called her just moments after the first plane hit the towers.

She knew something was seriously wrong when he ended the phone call with "I gotta go" instead of his usual "Love you". She got a bad feeling but pushed it to the back of her mind, thinking that he'd be heading home soon. She could never have imagined what was to unfold in the next few minutes.

At the same time, other women and men were plunged into confusion and despair when they heard the news about the World Trade Centre. Julia Collins was returning from a business trip in Denver when the pilot announced what had happened. The plane returned to Denver and Julia had to face the prospect that something may have happened to her husband Tommy.

Pattie Carrington had just entered her office when the phone rang. Someone asked if her husband Caz was okay. She says this was the point that her life began to unravel.

And Ann Haynes received a call at home to tell her to turn on CNN. She saw images of a tower in flames . . . the tower where her husband Ward worked.

It was almost a year later that the four women first met together for the Widows Club, or the WC as it came to be known. The women were all connected through Claudia's husband, Bart. He had worked next to Ann's husband Ward in Cantor Fitzgerald's offices and he also knew Tommy and Caz. Three of the women were newlyweds, having only gotten married a year or two before 11 September. Ann had been married for seven years and had three children. All the plans that the women had made for their lives were irrevocably changed. Not only had they lost the men they loved but they had also lost their future lives together.

"That was a huge rollercoaster for me, " says Claudia, "It was so unfair and unimaginable for me that Bart was never going to be a father. We had spent the weekend before playing with his nieces and nephews. He was amazing with children.

I felt like my dream of having a family died with him. What else would I do . . . be a single parent, adopt? I wondered if I could hold onto that dream."

It was a similar situation for Julia and Pattie, who were also in their 30s. "People try to help but they would make comments like, 'At least you didn't have children' which was actually very hurtful, " says Claudia.

Ann felt blessed that she had her children . . . two boys and a girl . . . but felt cheated that they wouldn't have Ward and that he wouldn't see them grow up. "I'm so grateful to have my kids but the hardest part was looking at them knowing all that they would miss by not having Ward with them, " she says.

The women chronicle their experiences in a new book called Love You, Mean It. "It's not a 11 September book, " says Ann. "That day was the catalyst for our husbands being taken away from us and the reason why we met, but the book is really about friendship and dealing with the challenges that life gives you.

"Our goal in writing the book was to help other people to get through whatever difficulties they have in life and accomplish what they need to do. But the other goal for us was on a personal level. We wanted to tell the world what amazing men our husbands were and to pay tribute to them."

The book skilfully manages to convey the character of each man, so that the reader feels like they know Bart, Caz, Ward and Tommy. Affectionately referred to as 'The Boys', their zest for life comes off each page. "It wasn't that we thought our husbands were perfect, " the ladies write in the book. "We'd known that they had their faults. It was just that we'd tried not to let the petty annoyances come between us.

We'd shared a bond that made the inconsequential seem just that."

Times of absolute grief often overwhelmed the women and they turned to each other for support. "If one of us was down, we could pick up the phone and call one of the other girls, " says Ann. "The very next day, someone else could be feeling bad and just need someone to vent to.

"Friends and family were very well intentioned and wanted to help make us happy again. But they had to deal with seeing us go through difficult times and they were also grieving for someone they'd lost. They did help us but there was a part of us that realised we had to spare their feelings. And being with the other women made everything fit together. It made being a widow more palatable; none of us knew what a widow was supposed to be like."

Perhaps the hardest part of the experience was deciding it was time to move on with life.

"It felt like it was important to try and fight for a new life . . . a happy life again, " says Ann. "It was very hard to come home at night and realise it wasn't the happy home it used to be. I lost my husband, the father of my children, and life changed in an instant. But now I was a mom who had to make the best of the situation. I wanted my kids to grow up in a happy home so I had to deal with the cards I'd been dealt."

Ann decided to try dating. "It was a step that maybe I didn't want to take but I felt I had to try it in order to gain happiness in the future."

The other women also ventured back into the dating world. "It was a strange situation to be in because we'd all assumed when we'd got married that we were done with the dating scene, " says Claudia. "I think we were all a little concerned about what everyone else would think. I'm not someone who generally worries about what others think but I was nervous about people making judgements about me dating. I also worried what they'd think it meant about my relationship with Bart."

It turned out that everyone was very supportive of them taking this brave new step and the WC all encouraged each other.

Claudia started seeing John, a friend of Pattie's. The two hit it off straight away and Claudia felt comfortable talking about Bart to him. Later she would ask John if he ever felt weird about it. "Right at the beginning, I remember thinking that the last thing I needed was to get involved with a widow, let alone a 11 September widow, " he admitted.

But he realised that both Bart and the WC were an important part of Claudia's life and would always be with her. Claudia was delighted that Bart's family, who she remains close with, welcomed John into their lives.

"I couldn't have not had John in my life or not have Bart's family, " she says.

John and Claudia married in the Bahamas in 2005. Julia, Pattie and Ann were bridesmaids and Bart's family also made it to the ceremony. "People who have children understand that the heart's capacity to love is endless, " says Claudia. "My sister wondered before she had her second child whether she had enough love to give because she loved her first child so much. I didn't know that I would be so fortunate to have love twice in my life."

Ann has also remarried, tying the knot with Kevin last year. The two formed a close bond because Kevin lost his wife, through illness. Julia remarried and is in the process of adopting a child. Pattie has taken a different direction in life . . . she left her banking career to study and travel.

The WC doesn't get to meet up as often as it used to but the ladies keep in regular contact through emails and phone calls.

Writing the book also gave them an opportunity to meet once a week in Claudia's apartment.

They named their book Love You, Mean It because they always sign off emails and conversations with that motto. "If you love someone, you should tell them, " explains Claudia. "They don't have to be a spouse . . .

they could be friends that you haven't seen for a long time. It started as a funny thing to say at the end of emails but it's stuck for a very good reason."

'Love You, Mean It' is published by Michael Joseph/Penguin on 29 March