Shaun from Donegal goes, "Birds that play hockey! It's not exactly beach volleyball is it? But is it the best we've got?"

As we used to say back in Castlerock, you don't get no kicks from women with sticks. As for beach volleyball, check out the green on the seafront in Sandycove on a sunny summer's evening. That's just between me, you and the Tribune's 18 million readers.

Some dude called Tiernach is just like, "Wot d fock is ryle nugent doin on no frontiers wearing d same tshirt 3 days running?"

I know, he's a shocker, isn't he? Either his luggage got diverted to Havana or he's got a clothing deal with Pull and Bear.

Eddie T in Clane goes, "Rossmeister, sorry to hear bout you and sorcha, any chance of sorchas number cos I SO WOULD."

Thanks, Eddie, but I don't need you to move in on my wife while she's hurt and vulnerable. I have friends to do that.

J from Muckross is there, "Can I pleas use d medium of ur txt col 2appeal2 starbucks 2stock der xmas cake all yr rnd."

In other parts of the world, the youth are boycotting Starbucks and breaking their windows. That's why South Dublin is the greatest country in the world.

Some tosspot called Stephen goes, "Having abandoned the Tribune many moons ago, I return to find you're still there. Will you see yourself in a revealing dream perhaps and come to believe in life outside your pond brain? For the love of Dylan, what's wrong with you?"

Stephen, you should be waking up on a Sunday morning in the company of a beautiful woman, not reading newspapers and getting yourself all worked up like that. It's no wonder you're angry. Who's Dylan, by the way?