YOU might as well teach a goldfish how to programme Sky + as teach a Finn to queue, Philip Nolan muses as he touches down in Tampere, Finland. Nolan's just past the halfway mark of his whistle-stop tour of Europe, and within seconds of landing, he realises the locals must be genetically programmed for getting ahead.
Intrigued by the possibilities offered by low-fare travel, Dublin Nolan decided to fly to 50 cities around Europe using only the Ryanair destination map as his guide. He went in search of answers to questions such as: has Europe been redrawn as Ryanland as a result of Ryanair and is a United States of Europe a real possibility? The result is the just-published Ryanland: A No-Frills Odyssey Across the New Europe.
Visiting countries from Finland to Malta and from Portugal to Latvia, Nolan finds the differences between north and south Europe are just too great and that we'll never turn into a United States of Europe. But it has changed the way we think: "Without it, it is impossible to imagine a Europe where a man from Galway and a man from Glasgow can live side by side at their summer homes in Alicante, or where a Latvian emigre can work all week in a factory in Limerick and still enjoy a few beers with his mates in Riga once a month." And lowcost carriers are "driving a social revolution unseen in Old Europe, a sort of semi-detached exile that is very much migration rather than emigration".
As much a personal odyssey as a physical journey, the book is full of odd encounters of the hilarious kind. Generally a 'Toutes Directions' kind of a guy, Nolan heads 'Centre Ville' in places he'd usually get the hell out of to dig deep into what makes Europeans tick. More often than not, however, it's right there on the surfacef and on one occasion, he finds it's more 'psycho' than 'psyche'. The book is also an indispensable travelogue of geographical, cultural, and historical insight, with plenty of tips on good places to eat and sleep.
The most unlikely locations produce the most surprises, and the least-planned journeys lead to the most delightful of discoveries. Newcastle, Malta and Benidorm, for example all take Nolan by surprise.
While low cost is Ryanair's forte, geography, Nolan learns, is not. You can go almost anywhere in Europe with Ryanair, but don't bank on landing in the same country as your chosen destination. Frankfurt-Hahn airport, for example is over 126km from Frankfurt, (but the bus journey in Rhineland is a pure delight) whereas in Biarritz you land just 4km from the centre. And then there are the advantages: because Ryanair flies into smaller airports, delays, baggage loss and airport trauma rarely occur. However, 'no frills' also means that you're more likely to have to pay more for the bus to the centre . . . and be on the bus for longer than the flight.
The trip to Malta produces the longest journey of the entire project. At over 2,530km, it is further from Ireland than the Baltic countries, and the island of Gozo is his favourite place in all of Europe . . . "it looks like the west of Ireland but it has the sunshine". It was also his last stop on an itinerary that took him on 61 Ryanair flights covering all of Europe and all for just 2,064.29 (or 33.84 per sector).
Forty-two million people flew with Ryanair in 2006 and 100,000 of us get on a flight everyday. For the few people that number that doesn't include in Ireland, this book is a must, for the rest of us, it'll help make light work of inevitable flight delays and add new levels of interest to your next visit to Ryanair's dropdown menu of almost forgotten and never-beforeheard-of destinations.
Ryanland by Philip Nolan is published by HodderHeadline Ireland. Price: 10.99.
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