With summer 2007 shaping up to be the season of threequels, we take a look at some of the most hyped blockbuster sequels on offer this time around and ask whether three really is a crowd. . .
ONCE upon a time in movie land, the mark of three on a film was a portent of terrible things to come . . . an embarrassing attempt to cash in on already dead franchise, they were usually populated by third-rate, unknown actors. Anybody remember Jurassic Park III? Or how about Jaws III . . . in-eye-tickling 3D? And what about that third Godfather film? But now savvy studios can milk the franchises for all they are worth, paying top dollar to keep the A-list names on board, and injecting the movies with more razzle dazzle than was seen even the first time round. The 2007 summer calendar is chock full of blockbuster threequels . . . Pirates of the Caribbean, Shrek, Oceans 13, Spider-Man III and The Bourne Ultimatum. But while most of the big films this summer come with a 3 at the end of them (or 4 if it features Bruce Willis), Harry Potter lords it over them all as he features in his fifth film. Here, we select our top 10 blockbusters and predict if they'll be hot or not.
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END (MAY 24) As in every good trilogy (Star Wars, Back to the Future, Lord of the Rings), it was all doom and gloom at the end of the second Pirates film. Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) had just been swallowed whole by the Kraken and Davy Jones's heart, and therefore control of the seven seas, was in the hands of those dastardly Brits. It's all set up nicely for this, the final part. Captain Barbossa (who everyone thought had died in the first film) leads the crew to Singapore to steal the map to World's End where Sparrow is being held. Cue fights with Chinese pirate lords, voyages over frozen oceans, and Rolling Stones legend Keith Richards as Sparrow's dad.
Sizzle factor: . . . .
OCEANS 13 (JUNE 8) The second Oceans film was as limp as rotten lettuce. And stank like it too.
Inexplicably, here's the third part.
Thankfully set in the taut world of Vegas again, after a flatulent excursion around Europe, the gang are out for revenge. When one of their mob goes into business with Al Pacino to build a hotel, only to get cut out of the deal at the last minute, George Clooney, Brad Pitt and the rest aren't pleased. They plan to bankrupt Pacino on opening night, with former enemy, Andy Garcia, in tow.
Sizzle factor: . .
FANTASTIC 4 . . . RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER (JUNE 15) Of all the superheroes created in the 1960s, none are as much of a hippy throwback as the Silver Surfer. Now he's making his big screen debut in the sequel to 2005's decidedly average Fantastic 4. The plot is a closely-guarded secret, but rumour has it the surfer is a scout finding planets for the world devourer Galactus to munch on.
Looks like earth is next on the menu.
Sizzle factor: . .
SHREK THE THIRD (JUNE 29) Trouble is afoot in the kingdom of Far Far Away. King Harold has fallen ill, leaving his daughter Princess Fiona and hubbie Shrek in charge. Yet the pug-faced couple long for the simple life of the swamp so they decide to abdicate. But first they must find a suitable replacement for the throne.
Meanwhile, Prince Charming is planning to take the throne for himself, along with his fairytale cronies. Justin Timberlake provides the voice of one of the main characters, alongside his ex, Cameron Diaz.
Sizzle factor: . . .
DIE HARD 4.0 (JULY 6) Or Live Free or Die Hard as it will be known in the freedom loving US of A. First time around it was a tower block, then an airport, followed by a city. Following the same pattern of higher and higher concepts, this time John McClane (Bruce Willis) has to save all of America by battling some internet terrorists. Since the last film Bruce has joined the department of Homeland Security chasing computer hackers, a strange career move for a man whose only previous experience with technology has been blowing it up. Luckily he's just arrested the nerdy weakling from Dodgeball (Justin Long) for computer hacking who, wouldn't you know it, becomes his sidekick.
Sizzle factor: . .
HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX (JULY 13) Voldemort, the biggest badass since Darth Vader, has returned, but nobody believes Harry or Dumbledore. Harry returns to Hogwarts to find there is a new teacher of Defence Against the Dark Arts who refuses to teach them practical magic. So Harry takes it upon himself to form Dumbledore's Army to prepare himself and other pupils for a climactic battle with Voldemort . . . . and still find time for some spellbinding romance.
Sizzle factor: . . .
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE (JULY 27) Ever since Homer and his yellow family became a huge hit in the early 1990s rumours of a full-length film have been rife.
The plot is still vague, but the snippets leaked onto the internet confirm the following will happen: Homer dumps pig poo in a river; Springfield gets destroyed by natural disasters; Bart skateboards naked;
Maggie fights a monkey with a broken bottle; Homer clobbers himself with a wrecking ball. Frankly, we don't care about the plot, it already looks brilliant.
Sizzle factor: . . . . .
TRANSFORMERS (JULY 27) In the 1980s, they were the best toys on the planet. It's a truck! Wait, it's a robot! And they had great names like Optimus Prime, Jazz and Cliffjumper. Even the mighty Orson Welles got into the craze, voicing Optimus Prime in the cartoon movie. Now from the slo-mo-loving brain of big kid Michael Bay comes a big movie version. The plot revolves around an alien race of robots whose intergalactic battle has moved to earth. The Decepticons are the bad guys, disguised mainly as fighter jets, while the Autobots are the nice robots, and they're cars. We, the humans, are in the middle.
Sizzle factor: . . . .
EVAN ALMIGHTY (AUGUST 3) Sequel to Bruce Almighty. Steve Carrell stars as Evan (the obnoxious news anchor from the first film) who has just been elected to Congress only to be stopped in his tracks by an act of God. Morgan Freeman turns up and commands him to build an ark, a la Noah, for an approaching flood. He reluctantly agrees, while family and friends worry his mind has gone all Old Testament. Could be the sleeper hit of the summer.
Sizzle factor: . . .
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM (AUGUST 17) If you like your amnesia-suffering superkillers bland but deadly, then Jason Bourne is your man. Matt Damon's anti-hero has redefined what espionage action films should be about. In this third film of the series he is still on the run from the very organisation that trained him. He's drawn out of hiding by a journalist who promises to help him discover his true identity.
Trouble is that one of the few remaining assassins from Treadstone, which created Bourne, has been dispatched to kill them both.
Sizzle factor: . . . .
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