Normally, I don't spare any thought for my nails (as you have probably gathered).

But this week I've been sporting a particularly painful split nail that is coming between me and my sleep. Ouch.

So, I've done some research on how to make it all better. If you're perfectly manicured, have no trouble keeping nail polish on your fingers and have already exclaimed in horror at the above confessions, stop reading now. Frankly, I don't like you. But if you're at all like me, stick around. Because I'm beginning to find out that nail care can actually be kind of fun. . .

First of all, it turns out that ignoring my split nail and hoping it will go away has not been the best of strategies. Instead, say Essie (my favourite nail polish people), you should cut a small strip from an unused tea bag and cover the break using nail glue. This will act as a patch and, if you put nail polish on over it, it will instantly have disappeared from mind and view. Which is heartening. But it turns out nail glue has a whole rake of purposes that go beyond applying falsies.

Did you know that if you get a paper cut you should pop a little bit into the wound?

Stings like hell apparently, but within a couple of minutes, it's as if it never happened. But I digress. When dealing with sad, cracked nails, the best thing to do is start an intensive treatment of moisturisation. This doesn't have to be as laborious as it sounds, simply pop a cuticle cream such as Burt's Bees Lemon Butter cuticle cream in your pocket and apply to nails whenever you get a chance. You'll be surprised how quickly you notice the difference.

Next get filing. Always go in one direction only and don't be too disheartened by all the flakiness it seems to bring out.

It's making your nails strong and better looking. Go for a flat, slightly rounded look rather than an artificial oval shape. It looks much better with nail polish.

Ah, the big NP. It just never lasts on my nails, ever. Nor does it dry quickly, no matter how long I wait. But it seems I've been doing it all wrong. The best way to ensure your nail polish is long-lasting and fast-drying is not to buy the brand that says it is, but to apply it properly.

Most boringly, Essie say the right way to apply nail polish (theirs is 14.99 and seriously the best brand I've ever used) is to use a base coat, two thin layers of polish and a top coat. Drill. But I'll admit, the results are amazing.

Apply the polish carefully, ensuring the right amount is on the brush and no globs come out (rolling the bottle between your hands instead of shaking it helps). Always leave small gaps at the bottom and sides of your nails . . . this gives them the appearance of looking longer then they are . . . and leave ample time before applying a top coat.

Finally, don't use your nails as a power tool (paint scraper, dish washer, whatever). The phrase tough as nails is totally flawed. They're fragile little things underneath it all.