Who? * This cutie, pictured aged five in his Gilbert O'Sullivan tank-top, is pulling out all the stops . . .or, at least, shamelessly pulling at his constituents' heart-strings . . . to get elected.

The curly locks might be less unruly these days and the freckles somewhat faded but none of that is deterring the country lad from turning his local battle into a beauty contest. Not only does his latest literature, stuffed through voters' letterboxes on Wednesday, boast this adorable snapshot but it also carries "endorsements" in a style more suited to the dust cover of a blockbuster novel. There's even one extrapolated from the Sunday Tribune.

"---- ------- [candidate's name] is competence personified, " it says.

Still mystified? Here's a clue. He's what Michael McDowell would call a Leftie (he might even be the third socialist of the last Dail) but he still can't help bragging about his own entry in the fat-cats' bible.

"Bright, articulate, with a sharp political mind; one of Dail Eireann's most ambitious politicians, " says the re-printed excerpt from the /50-a-copy 'Who's Who in Ireland'.

PDS UNBOTHERED ABOUT COURTING THE WORKERS' VOTE: PART 2 NOT content with spurning the 200,000 members of Siptu, as reported by Pollaxed last week, the PDs have now decided to ignore the questions of one of the most powerful groups in the country . . . the teachers. The latest edition of the INTO's magazine, In Touch, put a number of detailed questions on education policy to all the political parties.

While all the parties, even the Independents, gave equally detailed responses, the space for the PDs' answers simply said, "No response received." The deafening silence from the PDs could be explained by a subsequent feature in In Touch which profiles the 13 TDs and two senators who are former national teachers and current INTO members. Of the 13 in the Dail, five are in FF (including junior minister Tony Killeen), four are in Fine Gael (including leader Enda Kenny), three in Labour (including deputy leader Brendan Howlin) and one independent (Finian McGrath). The PDs are not represented.

WHAT'S A GUY GOTTA DO TO GET A VOTE AROUND HERE?

THEY say voters are ungrateful, and one politician found this out to his cost last week when he risked life and limb to save a stranded motorist.

FF candidate for Dublin South East Jim O'Callaghan was canvassing outside Sandymount Dart station around 8.30am last Monday when the automatic barrier at the level crossing lowered. One female motorist was obviously in a hurry and sped out from a line of traffic in a desperate bid to beat the barrier.

She was too late, though, and got caught between the crossing with a train only a matter of minutes away.

O'Callaghan, a six-foot-six former Leinster rugby player, rushed to her aid along with one of his canvassers. They managed to lift the barrier sufficiently for the woman to reverse her car to safety.

An onlooker pointed out to the driver that her saviour was a well-known politician. "Oh my God, " she gushed, approaching O'Callaghan. The large crowd was expecting at least a hug but was shocked to hear her say: "Now tell me this. Where do you stand on incineration? There is an awful smell in Sandymount and what are you going to do about it?"

Said a passer-by: "Poor Jim was sweating from his early morning exertions and he didn't get so much as a thank you.

He took it well though and said that restoring clean air to Sandymount was one of his priorities. The woman accepted this and said he had her number-one vote before driving off."

Who'd be a politician?

IT'LL TAKE BALLS OF RUBBER TO MAKE IT IN THIS ELECTION

THE lengths some candidates will go to get elected. God be with the days of simple rosettes and paper hats. In this election we've had water bottles, beer mats and, now, rubber balls emblazoned with the names of would-be deputies. The 'Shatter' in question is of course Alan Shatter, who has left no galaxy unexplored in his efforts to return to frontline politics. Will he, like this dog-chewed ball, bounce back to the Dail? We'll know next Friday.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"I'll have our back-of-the-envelope predictions any day over their studied consideration of this." FG's Brian Hayes on Fianna Fail's childcare programme cost estimate.

ROLL IT THERE NOREEN! OUCH!

LIMERICK

East FF councillor Noreen Ryan is delighted to announce that, "Taoiseach Bertie Ahern is the star of an election DVD by Limerick East Fianna Fail councillor Noreen Ryan." She goes on: "The DVD shows Bertie puckering up to the blonde councillor and also admiring her Ryan Racer car decorated with election slogans. Bertie is pictured with local people and some of my supporters and I thought that it would be a nice way to mark the campaign and indeed to view it after the election."

That's the Christmas stocking sorted, so.

VOTE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER VOTED BEFORE
ON A more serious note, a group comprised of the Society of St Vincent de Paul, the Vincentian Congregation, the Daughters of Charity and the Sisters of the Holy Faith is calling for a higher voter turnout on 24 May "to reverse recent trends and help ensure that voters get the government they really want". Said the director of the Vincentian Partnership for Social Justice, Bernadette MacMahon: "In the 2002 general election, only 62% of registered voters actually voted, and this was down from 65% in 1997 and 76% in 1969." She reminds us all: "Your single vote can and will make a difference." So vote early, if not often.

GUESS WHO?