Regarded as Oakmont's leading bagcarrier, 63-year-old Goddard, who is a retired steelworker, was a first-hand witness to Johnny Miller's famous US Open final round of 63 in 1973 when he caddied for Miller's playing partner Miller Barber.

Presumably well aware of his new boss's reputation, Goddard was more than ready for a predictable line of questioning when it came earlier in the week.

So, how were the two getting on? "I just met him 15 minutes ago, so it's going smoothly right now."

All that changed during the second round as Montgomerie slumped to an 82 to miss the cut by eight strokes. After the Scot had hit a drive down the middle of the par five fourth hole, he asked Goddard for the yardage and Goddard wanted to know if the yardage was for a lay-up or for a shot to the green.

Montgomerie went for the green, and ran up a bogey. Later, Goddard explained that Montgomerie turned to him and said: "You should never have mentioned the words 'lay-up'." Following that conversation, the two barely exchanged another word for the rest of the round.

? ? ? The Sports Editor is a hard task master. Instead of lounging around the media centre hoovering up the same information as everyone else, he demanded more of a roving commission. "Get out there and find something a little different, " was how our exchange ended.

So, instead of Tiger Woods and Padraig Harrington, what about Michael Berg? Well more to the point, what about his caddie James McCarthy who seemed a lot more interesting than his littleknown boss who was playing in his first US Open? McCarthy, who left Cork for America when he was 17, got to know Berg when both were competing in minitour events. Currently working as a commercial fisherman in Alaska, he got the call to carry his friend's bag at Oakmont after Berg came through qualifying.

Although clearly a guy with one or two tales to tell . . . there are probably not too many Cork golfers working on trawlers in Alaska who have looped at a US Open . . . McCarthy unfortunately revealed himself to be "tired" and "in need of a drink" at the end of the first round, and was unwilling to answer one or two questions about his background.

Sadly the words of wisdom he offered during Berg's rounds of 81 and 75, which left him six strokes outside of the cut, were also not for general consumption.

? ? ? Sometimes the security surrounding Tiger Woods is taken a bit too far. During the opening round, the world number one disappeared into a portaloo to answer a call of nature. Although the toilet was in a roped-off area restricted to players, officials and media, and although the toilet was one of four in the area, a journalist who also felt the need to answer the call was refused admission.

Now, it wasn't as if our esteemed colleague was looking for a quick quote or anything like that . . . Woods would be guaranteed his privacy as each portaloo is designed for just one person . . .

however, he was held at bay by one of western Pennsylvania's finest.

"Not right now, " said the cop. "Wait until he's finished."

? ? ? Strange deal the ninth green at Oakmont. For some reason best known to the members here, the green merges into the putting green, meaning that players hitting their second shots don't just see their target, but also a host of other practice putters milling around at the back of the green.

If that's not disconcerting enough, the green is divided by a broken blue line, and if one of the practice putters happens to strike a putt intentionally on the wrong side of the blue line, he is disqualified.

There was added frustration for Tom Byrum during the first round when his approach disappeared into the hole, however, it turned out that the hole in question was part of the putting green and not the ninth green.

Byrum was given a free drop for his troubles.

? ? ? Phil Mickelson, whose strained left wrist was put down to one too many practice shots out of Oakmont's savage rough last month, lost the plot when he was questioned about his injury.

More accustomed to losing the plot on the course, the normally astute and moderately amusing Mickelson claimed that last Wednesday as many as five or six players suffered injuries extricating themselves from the long grass.

"The golf course is a physical hazard to players, " he explained.

The US Open and Oakmont may damage confidence, self-esteem, self-belief and more than a few egos, but dangerous it ain't.

? ? ? When you're the longest hitter on the PGA Tour with an average drive of just over 316 yards, why would you want to stand up on the tee with a pink-shafted club? It was something worth putting to Bubba Watson whose gimmick has got him plenty of attention.

"If I outdrive you with a pink driver, you can't make fun of me, " said Watson who resides in Baghdad, Florida where "there's a post office and that's about it" in the town.

mjones@tribune. ie