The participants must be very rich, their fiancees very beautiful, and they must be prepared to spend reckless, Homeric, farcical amounts of money celebrating their union in front of famous, if secretly envious, associates. It's vital that each couple should spend conspicuously more than other nuptialists on wedding clothing, flowers, a reception venue, a cake, entertainment and a honeymoon. The most competitive players will go the final mile by picking a date for the wedding that coincides with the weddings of friends, in order to force their mutual pals to take sides.

This is the summer of the celebrity foreign wedding . . . which is no big news to Irish couples, 800 of which marry in Italy every year.

There was Rod Stewart's (third) wedding to Penny Lancaster in Italy just a few weeks ago, and before that Liz Hurley tied the knot to Arun Nayer in a week-long Indian celebration.

Singer Amy Winehouse married in secret nuptials in Miami just last month while the weddings of Pink in Costa Rica, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in Venice and Tory Spelling in Fiji kept the tabloid press alive with froufrou and frivolity all last year.

Add to that the upcoming social weddings of the summer . . . the biggest of which is of course the McManus wedding in Limerick next weekend. The local church has been re-painted, the roads re-tarmacademed and over 1,000 people invited to the wedding of childhood sweethearts Sue Ann McManus and Cian Foley, who will receive a 4.5m mansion as a wedding present father, JP Mc Manus.

But what if you are an ordinary mortal, trying to plan your wedding. How does one keep up?

"What we are seeing over the past few years is that as couples get married that bit older they are taking that bit more ownership of their own day, " says Joanne Byrne, excelebrity wedding planner extraordinaire who hung up her clipboard after the last Westlife wedding in 2003: "With today's weddings there is no such thing as 'can't', there is literally always some way to find anything."

In Ireland marriage numbers are up yearon-year since 1997, with 21,000 couples marrying this year (this figure was just 15,631 in 1997). The fact that people are marrying later (the average age for women is now 30 and for men 32), and adding their SSIA savings to the wedding stash it's no wonder that weddings seem to be getting bigger and more lavish all the time. Two years ago we spent on average what was then a mighty figure of 15,000- 20,000. Now that figure has risen again and is estimated to be 25,000-35,000.

In order to cater for this massive industry we have over ten glossy homegrown magazines including Confetti, Irish Brides, Wed - ding Belle and The Irish Wedding Journal, and if you add to that the UK and American titles, that is a very heaving shelf in Easons indeed.

As we get older, we're invited to celebrate more weddings . . . our friends' second marriages, our work colleagues, our friends' children. Do we have to join in with all the crazy expenditure? Must the bride's family spend a fortune to have their darling girl's white gown hand-sewn with Swarovski crystals?

Relax. Let our panel of experts on etiquette, elan and expenditure suggest how you can get spliced in style, without breaking the bank or destroying the planet.

THE DRESS: CLASSIC IS ALWAYS A SAFE BET

IGNORE trends. You might think the '70s Ossie Clark thing looks good right now but in reality classic is always a safe bet. Try on as many dresses as you can until you find the one that works for you, and if you don't find one in a bridal boutique start looking elsewhere such as in the designer rooms of department stores and boutiques, online and even abroad.

Browns Brides in London is truly fabulous (tel 00 44 207 514 0056/7).

Many Irish designers such as Helen Cody and Leighlee both now do a select range of wedding dresses.

Contact Leighlee through Costume, 10 Castle Market, Dublin 2, tel 01 679 4188. Helen Cody can be contacted 086 2605374.

But if you want to do a Sue Ann McManus and must, must, must wear a couture wedding dress the Irish designer of choice is Synan O'Mahony. Contact him through The Design Centre, tel 01 679 5718. Other Irish designers in the same league are Tyrell and Brennan (www. tyrrellbrennan. com) whose dresses have been worn to the Oscars and Jen Kelly (tel 01 874 5983) who has dressed politicians and royalty.

Still haven't found the right dress and can't afford couture?

Consider the old fashioned way of getting one made by a working dressmaker. Ask in Hickeys for a list of recommendations (See www. hickeyfabrics. ie for your nearest store).

If the 2k price range is out of your league, there are a whole slew of high street shops now tapping into the wedding dress market including Debenhams, Monsoon and M&S.

Ciara Elliott, editor of 'Confetti'

THE BAUBLES: DON'T GO OVERBOARD

ANY bride who turns up to the ceremony in a carriage driven by white-plumed horses should be redirected to the nearest Liberties' funeral. A horse and cart is fine, but the animals should under no circumstances be decorated. It's probably safer to arrive in a vintage car.

Sensible flower choice is essential: sticky stamens can be a nightmare. A hanging basket under the main entrance is a good idea, but remember not to water it too soon before the ceremony. A wedding dress spattered with green will ruin the day.

Inside the venue, don't go overboard.

If it's a pewed, affair, one bouquet every three rows will do the trick. Any more and the hayfever sufferers will sneeze all throughout the vows. Also, save the bunting for the marquee.

At any Irish wedding, it's important to establish the inner circle, and buttonholes are the perfect way to do this. But remember that buttonholes should never be part of a colour theme.

If everything down to the buttonholes is baby blue, you've stepped over the fine line that separates "good with details" and obsessive-compulsive.

When it comes to the wedding rings, there are only two rules: make them round, and make them thin. That's it. No charming messages engraved on the inside, no patterns, and definitely no jewels. Let the engagement ring do the talking.

Ed Caesar

THE SERVICE: TAKE THE CIVIL OPTION THE happy couple have three major options when choosing a location: church, registry office, or separate venue for a blessing (which means that they will have been registered in advance).

An Irish Catholic church is the venue of choice for eight out of 10 of Irish couples. The church service does have one major failing: if everyone knows the bride and groom are confirmed atheists there'll be a whiff of hypocrisy about the special day.

Which brings us on to the registry office. Carefully prepared, a registry wedding can be as touching as any effort . . . and has become increasingly popular with couples in the last few years: The most recent figures from the CSO show that the number of civil marriages in Ireland almost quadrupled between 1996 and 2002.

Civil ceremonies involve a certain amount of mandatory stuff (the registrar will inform you of this) but music, readings and soundtrack are your choice. Choose carefully, make it personal, and few guests won't be touched.

If the local registry office isn't for you, there are changes in the law, due to be implemented by next year, allowing Irish couples to marry in other places than a registry office.

"All hotels and civil venues who wish to hold civil ceremonies will apply to us and then we can grant them a licence, " says Lara Quinlan who is the acting executive registrar of the southeast region.

Guy Adams

THE FOOD: KEEP IT SIMPLE NOT TACKY

FIRST things first: a hungry guest is not a happy guest. After the ceremony, give them some fizz and throw something down their gullets pronto. "Cute" miniature meals . . . baby fish and chips or tiny Cornish pasties . . .are a little 2003, and should be avoided.

2007 is all about big, juicy canape treats that can be eaten with a cocktail stick.

"Anything deep-fried is just horrible, " says chef Lu Thornely of Lara Lu Foods, who catered for Jasmine Guinness's wedding last summer in Leixlip Castle.

"Simple, good quality food goes down so much better; it's all about creating great home cooking en masse."

No one remembers a good wedding meal, but everyone remembers a bad one. So keep it simple, and keep it to three courses.

Naturally, there are some big no-nos. No meal should include Chicken Kiev, Peach Melba or prawn cocktail.

Also, historicallythemed meals such as medieval feasts, Roman banquets and the like are indescribably tacky, and will subject the happiest day of your life to life-long ridicule.

There's nothing wrong with the traditional tiered wedding cake, but any more than four tiers is flash. Three is preferable. White icing goes without saying . . . no pink, please! . . . but the filling needs careful consideration.

Chocolate might seem like a good idea, but the bride won't thank you for those brown smudges on her dress. Fruit is traditional, but gives the oldies wind. A light sponge will keep everyone happy. An hour before the bar extension closes, all the remaining guests should receive a bacon sandwich and/or a bag of chips.

This might sound somewhat downmarket, but if you can pull off a good drunken snack, the gratitude you will receive for this one remarkably simple gesture will endure for a surprisingly long time to come.

Ed Caesar

THE ENTOURAGE: THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT INVITES

THE wedding is, by common consent, the bride's big day. Also the groom's, but he will be too nervous to enjoy it. It's also the big day for the bride's parents, who are paying for it, and the groom's parents, who are pretending to enjoy becoming "family", and the blood-relation offshoots, who are pleased to be invited for a day's free gorging and sluicing. But the rest of the wedding party? Whom shall we invite and whom leave out?

Steer clear of problematic connections. Ex-lovers of the happy couple are best not invited. Do not stint on single men. You'll need a claque of 12 to laugh at the best man's speech and cop off with the bridesmaids.

The bride need not invite every female of her acquaintance, much as she might like to. Restrict the list to those whom she'd choose to invite on a chartered jet to Mauritius.

Be brutal about inviting children, unless they're the bride's or groom's, or are pageboys. Kids get under your feet, steal all the cake and gum up the dance floor. Wedding crashers tend to be nothing like Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn. They are mostly thirsty, boorish opportunists. Get them out pronto, before they consume all the champagne.

Token presences. Every wedding party is allowed just one picturesque drunkard, one over-enthusiastic dancer, one blowsy nymphomaniac, one lecherous ex-boss, and one famous acquaintance for the party to gawp at. All should be included in the guest list.

Office colleagues occupy a grey area: they're not close enough friends to invite (and they probably haven't have met your fiancee) but you can't ignore them. Ask them to the afters . . . they'll get the message.

John Walsh

THE GIFTS: DON'T BE SHY, DRAW UP A LIST

TO list or not to list is the question.

While the thought of asking friends and family to specific gifts makes most couples cringe, the alternative . . .ten kettles . . . is enough to make even the most bashful of couples draw up a list.

"More and more lists are combining traditional and non-traditional gifts, " says Gary Purcell at online wedding list specialists www. weddingwishlist. ie.

When putting together your list, include options for all price ranges.

Groups of friends or family can club together to splash out on something more expensive. Make sure your partner is involved . . . you're not writing a letter to Santa, after all. Go for a mix of traditional and modern gifts, too.

If you put vouchers on your wedding list, make sure you add a note telling your guests what you intend to buy. It's only polite. Consider some charity items as well. Traditionalists may balk at the idea of buying a goat for an underprivileged family in the developing world, but it's good to give something back in the midst of all this receiving.

It's becoming more acceptable to ask for money towards your honeymoon, but be aware that some guests may find it tacky. The new online trend of vouchers for honeymoon cocktails, flight upgrades or safari trips is beyond naff.

Finally, and most importantly, say thank you. Online wedding lists will email you detailing who bought what, so that you can tailor your thank you letters accordingly.

Rebecca Armstrong

THE HONEYMOON: GO GREEN AND STAY AT HOME

SEYCHELLES? St Lucia? The Serengeti? These might be the aspirational honeymoon destinations for John Terry et al. But for anyone planning to marry and start a family, and therefore with half an eye on the welfare and future of the planet, the solution for a sophisticated and sensitive honeymoon is simple: Ireland.

Simon Calder

THE RECEPTION: KEEP IT MOVING ALONG

WEDDING receptions are like school discos. Guests arrive in brand-new clothes, intending to dazzle their peers. But by the end of the evening they're being poured into a taxi having left a trail of disgrace on the dancefloor.

First the venue. A marquee at the bride's family home is the traditionalist's choice, combining an atmosphere of summery excess with just the right amount of homeliness. It's also a whole tented fun-palace, built just for you.

The Irish bride's venue of choice is the castle 'fit for a princess' (as the brochures will read). These are splendidly romantic and the terms of rental allow you to personalise your big day but he cost can be astronomical.

At the venue, it's become de rigueur for the happy couple to spend an eternity posing for photographs. Try to avoid this: not only will your guests be bored rigid, they'll also have drunk their weight in champagne by the time your wedding dinner begins.

By coffee time, your audience has, on average, two bottles of booze nestling in their stomach, and are positively aching to hit the dancefloor. Don't make them wait: keep speeches short and funny, and just the right side of vulgar. Never say anything that may vaguely offend the bride. Always remember that it's her special day.

Entertainment traditionally includes the tackiest of tacky discos. Don't mess with this format. If you want to jazz things up, think about hiring a rock 'n' roll band to get people in the mood before your DJ spins the wheels of steel.

The bride and groom's final duty is their first dance. This will involve some loss of dignity, so go with the flow.

Choreographed routines work superbly, and show that you've made an effort, but the groom must remember that straight men never dance too competently.

As for your special song, go for an old classic, but don't fall into the trap of choosing a slow number. Fleetwood Mac's 'Everywhere' is the greatest wedding song ever.

Guy Adams