MASSA WINS OUT IN RACE WITH ODDLY ERRATIC DRIVING

As the drivers can't locate F1 2007, an executive decision is made that Michael Schumacher will come back for one race, but will be guided by the spirit of Lewis Hamilton.

An executive decision is also made to limit the race to six laps (10 per cent of the total) as both contestants are trying to pretend they have lives.

An unusually long and competitive qualifying session doesn't go well at the Hungaroring with Alonso finishing in 15th after spinning out twice, a theme that will recur in the actual race, and Schumacher in last spot, after struggling to understand that this is not an off-road race and shortcuts through the grass don't really help.

By cleverly having the damage function turned off, both contestants get off to blinding starts on the grid by pretending they are in bumper cars and bulldozing through the crowd. Alonso's fine start is ruined though by the dastardly Jenson Button, who shunts him from behind, sending him into the gravel. The ruthless Schumacher/Hamilton has worked his way spectacurly up to second, mainly by the tactic of using other cars as braking matter.

Alonso works his way back up to seventh, but spins off again after being shunted from behind, possibly by Schumacher/Lewis, who is now very frustrated after an accident sees him end up driving the wrong direction and plummeting down the pecking order.

Alonso works his way back up to ninth but then has the misfortune to enter the pit lane when the shortened race has no need for a pit stop whatsoever. Using his superior skills, and the computer-generated drivers' aids of bright lines drawn on the track, he recovers to seventh again, overtaking a disconsolate Hamilton/Schumacher on the way, who by then has resorted to taking out any car he manages to get near.