THERE was a little highlights reel at the start of Charity You're a Star during the week which featured Brendan O'Connor haranguing Sean Ban Breathnach over whether he had ever actually heard music before.

As a newcomer to this whole farrago we thought, ah here, hasn't SBB been on the radio for the last 94 years? He's surely heard music at some point and isn't this all for charity anyway. Lighten up Brendan.

Then SBB did his version of 'The Hippy Hippy Shake' and made it clear that not only has he not heard music before but he may still not be aware of its existence. It was so knucklechewingly awful that typing this with mangled and bruised hands is an effort.

There may be a chance that SBB is faking it. If someone sitting down to a multiple-choice quiz gets every answer wrong, there's a strong likelihood that they know more than they are letting on, as percentage-wise they should accidentally happen across the right answer from time to time. But SBB managed to go through a whole song without ever coming within an asses roar (an apt phrase here) of the right tempo and melody, despite trying out a litany of both.

Judging by that performance he may well be a musical savant, but is cleverly hiding his vast genius as he has worked out that his best chance of winning is to court public sympathy through extraordinary incompetence.

Even the judges were struck dumb by what they'd seen, O'Connor announcing with a thousand-yard stare, "I said a lot of harsh things to you at the weekend. . . I have nothing further to add." As Johnny Logan would have it, "What do you say when words are not enough?"

After that it was time to rock out with Shane Byrne (right), which may well be a new show on RTE's autumn schedule.

The Mullet looks like he should be in Status Quo and had wowed us all with his version of '(Soft) Rockin' All Over the World', but we were worried when we heard he was performing 'The Power of Love' this time around.

Thankfully he eschewed the Jennifer Rush song and went with Huey Lewis's similarlytitled effort. Yes! Bang those heads and get those devil horns in the air.

It's nice to see The Mullet hasn't lost his competitive edge. When he was voted off he was clearly distressed, but host Brian Ormond still thought it would be wise to antagonise a peeved former international rugby player and asked him, "Are you upset Shane?" Byrne answered a monosyllabic "Yes" with a mixture of hurt and irritation that you couldn't but love. Ormond was one more stupid question away from being rucked and mauled off the stage.

The All Stars (Barney Rock, Jack O'Shea and David Beggy if you've been hiding in a cave from this show) seemed to be having lots of fun with the whole affair. Jacko told us that Twink, who offers musical and spiritual guidance to the contestants, is "like Mick O'Dwyer, a hard taskmaster." Well in between making them run laps she found a way to make their version of 'New York, New York' work . . . only David Beggy may sing. Jacko and Barney were left on chorus line duties, a bit of a surprise given that if you're looking for someone to do some kicking a Meath footballer would usually be ideal for the job.

Indeed when the Roses (large singing pieces of pretty confectionary) limped to the stage shortly after on crutches they accused the All Stars and The Mullet of tackling and maiming them. Not to worry lads, just say that it was for crimes against music and there's not a court in the land that would convict ye.

The All Stars didn't need any winsome females around to raise the temperature anyway. On Wednesday they gyrated their way through Robert Palmer's 'Addicted to Love' and got housewives around the country hot under the collar. Alright, 'gyrated' may be pushing it. They actually resembled the stiffest and least co-ordinated full-back line ever, but still they made everyone smile and you have to keep reminding yourself that this is all for charity. We're assuming that's how SBB gets through it.