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The Kazakh pack and not a high-five in sight
On the Air Pat Nugent



IN 2002 Luke O'Callaghan, a Clare native, was studying Russian at Trinity College, but after getting a job offer to work as a translator in Kazakhstan he upped sticks and headed for Asia. While there he managed to force his way into the Kazakhstan international rugby team as they set out on the qualification trail for the 2007 World Cup.

As set-ups for sporting documentaries go, that's hard to top.

There's no mention anywhere of the country's most famous son, Borat, but narrator Denis Hickie does wryly comment that "most people had never heard of Kazakhstan until recently". And to be honest you can't help thoughts of Borat and his horrific stereotyping springing into your head as Luke plays rugby to make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan.

For example, the team doctor's name is Svetlana and she looks like the type of woman who grew up wrestling bears rather than studying medicine.

"My first impression of Luke was none at all, just a skinny guy, " she says with a laugh, and you can't help but feel she'd make a fine, if slightly evil, second row.

And that's what helps make Rugby Nomad so entertaining, its sheer other-worldliness. A glimpse into a country most of us know nothing about (achieved independence from the Soviet Union in 1991, ninth largest country in the world with sparse population of 15 million, major exports are oil and uranium and it was from Kazakhstan that Yuri Gagarin and Vostok 1 were launched, it says here) is interesting in itself, but this also offers insight into a part of the rugby world few people even know exists.

The documentary was actually filmed in 2005 when the road to qualification started, but its screening is nicely timed, offering us a stark contrast with the teams that have their eyes on claiming the Webb Ellis trophy in October. Far from isotonic drinks and core toning, Kazakhstan train on a pitch that looks like it was grazed by sheep and their touring arrangements make the FAI look like the world's most efficient travel company.

At one point, what should have been a 14-hour journey to Sri Lanka includes a stopover of that exact length in Dubai.

The squad then have to split and take two separate planes before finally arriving at their destination after 48 solid hours of travelling, with a vital World Cup qualifier to be played within 24 hours of landing. Indeed, their coach doesn't even turn up for the first qualifier, as he's also in charge of the women's national side and chooses to travel with them after a fixture clash.

Mind you, the players may not have ideal attitudes either. Ahead of a clash with Malaysia, the Kazakh scrum-half is asked for a prediction on how they'll fare. "We will f**k Malaysia, " he confidently asserts in broken English, and it turns out he was right. After a convincing win he spies the camera and approaches, "I told you yesterday how we would f**k Malaysia, you see?" And he wanders off happily, before a thought strikes him and he ambles back, looking over the camera at its operator and enquiring, "You have a cigarette?"

Luke's role in all this is more than that of a winger, as he also acts as the squad's translator. This leads to plenty of awkward moments. In India shortly after lining out in the qualifier, he has to sit at the top table and translate the speeches of delegations from both sides.

Worse was to follow though as the evening dragged on, while the team were not allowed drink, the Kazakh delegates saw no reason to reel themselves in, taking the time to show their hosts the proper way to drink vodka (ie down in one). Luke, a teetotaller, was forced to sit and translate drunken gibberish into the small hours long after his teammates had retreated to their beds.

Being the sole fluent English speaker in the squad meant he also had to show a strong grasp of diplomacy while translating. When an Indian news crew turned up to interview the Kazakh's star player, a human wrecking ball nicknamed King Kong, the first question related to how he was enjoying his stay in India. "It smells, " came the rumbling reply. After the briefest of pauses, Luke calmly 'translated', "It's very hot and the humidity is tough to deal with."

But it looks like politics are the same at any level of sport, as the qualification attempt eventually comes unstuck as relations between players and delegates disintegrate to such a degree that the team captain goes on strike. Still, at the very least Rugby Nomad is worth checking out just to help fans keep the upcoming World Cup in perspective. No matter how bad things get, things could be much worse. . .




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