Gone are Setanta's cardboardstyle sets, which used to resemble an American PBS discussion of a long-dead poet.

The heat is on Jeff Stelling of Sky Sports, but he still has the luxury of an army of ear-phoned reporters.

During Soccer Saturday Stelling lost it and sang some James Brown. "I feel good! Doo-doodoo-doo-doo-doo-doo!" he sang, bobbing up and down on his seat, fists in the air. Hang on to your jock strap. This is manufactured, corporate-box masculinity at its worst.

And, so, to kick-off. On Setanta Premier League Live, Pat Dolan and Paul Dempsey gave their thr'pence worth for the 3.00pm game, while Angus Scott was at the 5.15pm match with "Tim and Macca!" or Steve McManaman and Tim Sherwood. I couldn't tell the difference between the two. I don't follow soccer. I prefer GAA and hurling as a spectator sport and, at a push, rugby. The first two are faster, and they're not as tedious to watch. Anyway, Macca looks like a darts player from the 1980s, all curly mullet, uncomfortable in his dark blue suit. (Weirdly, they all wore darkblue suits. ) There wasn't much time for analysis on Setanta. At half-time, there was ad-quick comment-ad.

Macca said. "Get your boiler suits on, go on and win the fight . . . now they've got their tuxedos on!"

Yiwhat? Come back Frank Bough, all is forgiven.

Setanta paid �392m for the games. And probably a wad for Des Lynam, who is doing special interview packages. Its ad breaks featured sub-prime mortgage companies . . . which usually advertise during the day when the rest of the world is at work, advising cash-strapped viewers who have enough money for cable TV packages to "consolidate" their debts . . . and Wunderbar, a home bar for the corner of your living room with its own brand of beer. Another ad showed a guy asleep at his desk.

It asked, "Drinking tonight?

Working tomorrow?" Was this to drink responsibly? Nope, it was a hangover potion.

Sky had sub-prime mortgage companies advertising too:

plusher ads with bigger budgets.

If Setanta ads target yobbos, Sky is chasing the ill-fitting suits of middle management. If viewers need to get out of debt, I'm not so sure they should have premium cable.

Anyway, the first time I saw two grown men beat the crap out of each other was outside the Shamrock Rovers grounds in Milltown. It was 1980 and I was two. (Okay, maybe just a little older. ) Scarred by that experience, I'd intended to review TV3's Rugby World Cup Preview, but there were no available preview tapes of the preview . . . if that makes sense . . . so TV3's loss is RTE's gain. Instead, I tuned into The Sunday Game, which was like a barbershop quartet. Pat Spillane, Tony Davis, Dara O Cinneide and Paul Curran all eschewed the Sky Sports navy blue suit for striped shirts. Every bleedin' one of them.

I was crying after Dublin lost, all right, crying out for some paisley or polka-dots . . . anything but stripes. They played havoc with the studio lights. I felt like ordering one of Setanta's hangover potions. Still, this wasn't supposed to be Dublin Fashion Week.

Thankfully, the quartet left the aggression and hyperventilating on the pitch. Spillane, in his blueand-white striped shirt, is a natural. If Mrs Doubtfire had a younger brother from Kerry, he'd be it: big rosy cheeks, easy smile, homely, but knows how to keep his charges in order. Davis, in a white striped shirt, said, "Kerry just has a better team, an extra bit of class". Curran, in a blue striped shirt, said of Dublin, "They have some class forwards". O Cinneide, in a blue shirt, added . . . Guess what? "They had class in abundance and they had a leader in every line of the field." What was that? I didn't quite catch it. Any chance he could repeat . . . "They had class all over the field!"

They all have class. What were the chances? Get the thesaurus out, boys. I don't mean to be a sore loser, but here's some help.

Dublin has class. Or it's chic, classy, dashing, fashionable, foxy and also see-through. That last one references their poor defence.

Reviewed

Soccer Saturday
Sky Sports One
Premier League
Live Setanta
The Sunday Game
RTE Two