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YOU know that with celebrities, what you get isn't what you see . . . hello airbrushing and carefully angled camera shots. It's why we love those 'downtime' pap shots so much . . . Eva Longoria looking desperately plain without make-up, Kate Moss and her crow's feet or Vic Beck and her spots. You rarely get undiluted celebrity speak either. . . interviews are scripted, 'revelations' are planned and anyway, that's what they have 'spokespersons' for. But for some reason, when they're left to speak unaided, it's never quite as life-affirming as when they just look bad. Britney has been losing the plot for some time now but as long as she was doing it all with a daffy smile and a wave for the photographers, it was sort of okay. When she screamed "Eat it, lick it, snort it, f**k it!" at a reporter who asked her how she was doing at a court appearance last week, she crossed over the line from being an interesting car wreck to distasteful person. It's not always what they say because sometimes it's the sound of their voice that ruins the whole effect. You look at someone like Jessica Simpson and you know that she's going to sound annoying. But take Gwen Stefani, who is always a pleasure to look at . . . edgy, cool, and beautiful . . . until she opens her mouth. Gwen speaks pure Valley Girl, with every second word being 'like' or 'rilly' (eg I, like, rilly, rilly felt, like, supercreative with this album). Kate Moss always realised the power of being sphinx-like until Virgin gave her a whack load of money, post-cocaine scandal, to send her self up in a mobile phone ad. Unfortunately, there's very little about a Croydon accent to recommend it and she'll always be more Rimmel than Roland Mouret to us now.
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