Vivian White: doorstepper par excellence

Welcome to the weekly planning meeting of Panorama, the world's longest running investigative TV show.

Please take your seats quickly people, the producer wants to run through a few quick embryonic ideas for new programmes to get us through the winter months and into the spring when hopefully an enhanced budget allocation will allow us take on work that is... well... even more probing and a little more... well, iconoclastic.

Before we start people, let me just say we've received an enthusiastic thumbs-up from the people upstairs about last week's hard-edged Ryanair programme. Just to remind you all, we established a number of unalterable facts about Ryanair following our lengthy and expensive investigation. It was a good six months' work, I must say.

For the first time we have proven, beyond any doubt, that Ryanair "flies'' a hard bargain when buying new aircraft and controversially we uncovered evidence that sometimes Ryanair talks to French company Airbus, but then, at the very last moment, brazenly switches instead to alternative American supp-lier... Boeing I think is the name.

Of course, we also uncovered the Ryanair marmite connection. It's now undeniable that Ryanair is like Marmite. Some people like Ryanair, some people don't. So it's kinda like... marmite really, if you follow me people.

Of course, we also uncovered compelling evidence that Ryanair makes its passengers print out their own boarding passes before leaving for the airport.

Of course, what Ryanair doesn't tell you is you have to go to the airport in your own car and Michael O'Leary, we have discovered, never picks up any of his so-called passengers from their homes in his taxi despite claims to the contrary.

This may yet become a political issue, but we're also pretty confident our revelation that there are no recline buttons on Ryanair's seats will eventually force Gordon Brown to make a statement from the dispatch box, but let's just see where that one goes ok.

Also, coffee costs £2.70 a cup on Ryanair's flights and sometimes a stirrer is not included, although our investigation wasn't definitive on that one, I should admit.

Anyway, we'll keep an eye on Ryanair over the next few months and possibly return to the subject at a later date. Don't pay any attention to the papers. They're claiming all our revelations were stating the very bleeding obvious and only produced banal, prosaic conclusions. They're only Ryanair lackeys... now onto these embryonic ideas I mentioned...

The first one is the in-depth investigation into the lack of vegetarian staff working at McDonald's Corporation.

You might remember I also mentioned before a piece on the failure of Aldi Group to stock fresh caviar on its shelves for its customers.

We're also thinking of doing that piece about British Nuclear Fuels and their failure to donate a portion of their profits to wind-energy research. As of now all
three ideas are very much in the mix.