A penchant for cocaine and hookers. Shouting matches with production crews. Notorious for latenight brawling in the trendiest clubs. An unrivalled reputation as a prima donna. A nasty little man, who steps over and grounds down anybody blocking his career path. Dislikeable, self-obsessed, a pain in the rear end.
Ray D'Arcy? Of course not. The opening paragraph was designed for shock and awe, to demonstrate how ludicrously unbelievable it would be if ever there was a suggestion that D'Arcy could qualify under any of the above descriptions. Every inquiry about him slots into recurring themes. He is well-liked, professional and decent. What you see is what you get. He is one of the rare exceptions to the rule that nice guys don't come first.
Last week, he was preparing for his fourth year hosting the Rose of Tralee, which begins tomorrow. The gig draws on his strengths, projecting his middle-of-the-road personality that breaks down demographic barriers.
To the more mature audience, he is pleasant, unthreatening and quite funny. At the same time, he is hip to the younger demographic that makes up the bulk of the quarter of a million listeners to his Today FM morning show.
He doesn't patronise, an achievement in itself while dealing with frocked-out girls who are lovely and fair like the rose of the summer. At the same time, he is comfortable on his radio show talking about sex toys, an item which attracted rare censure from the Broadcasting Complaints Commission.
His selection to host the Rose is the source of some tension within the national broadcaster. Effectively, RTÉ television is promoting a Today FM broadcaster, who is in direct competition with two of RTÉ's biggest stars, Pat Kenny and Gerry Ryan. To some people in management in Montrose, that appears to be a perverse state of affairs.
"There can really only be two reasons why RTÉ do that," one industry source points out.
"Either he is very good at what he is doing, or he is personally well-liked in RTÉ. Most likely it's a combination of the two."
After Gay Byrne's broadcasting sun began declining beneath the blue sea, a few transient hosts tried out at the clear crystal fountain that stands in the beautiful vale of Tralee. Derek Davis and Marty Whelan made a fair fist of it without ever completely looking the part. Then along came Ray, and now it looks like the gig is his for as long as he wants it.
Going on form, that may not be too long. He is not one to flog a dead horse, as he demonstrated in leaving behind his front-of-house gig in the You're A Star series.
Last week also saw other possible straws in the wind for D'Arcy. Newstalk announced the acquisition of Tom Dunne from Today FM to host a mid-morning programme that will be in direct competition with D'Arcy. Dunne has regularly stood in for D'Arcy and the battle for listeners will be intriguing, particularly as Dunne may offer an edgier programme to the same demographic.
D'Arcy will not be easily dislodged from his perch in the ratings. On Thursday, the latest listenership figures confirmed his show as the only one outside RTÉ to retain a position in the top 10, with 254,000 listeners.
Also last week, rumblings appeared in the press over Pat Kenny's Late, Late Show contract negotiations. There is no question of Kenny leaving the show in the near future, but the news did once again raise the matter of his ultimate successor. Ryan Tubridy is quoted as favourite at 4/1, followed by Miriam O'Callaghan and Dara O'Briain. The smart money says that whenever Pat calls it a day, D'Arcy will be to the fore in the shake- up.
Nice guys might come first the odd time, but it certainly doesn't happen by accident. D'Arcy was no slouch from the word go. "He was always focused," remembers a former classmate from school in Kildare town. "He was good with the books but he didn't stand out from the crowd or anything. The only thing that you would have noticed him for was the DJ-ing, which was regarded as pretty cool at school."
The third eldest of a family of nine, D'Arcy got the broadcasting bug early on. While in his teenage years, he attended Conradh na Gaeilge on Friday nights in Kildare, something he later said was more driven by the opportunity to meet the opposite sex rather than any love of the language. He developed an interest in the native lingo, which, combined with his DJ experience, landed him work with Radio na Gaeltachta.
On completing the leaving cert, he applied to study communications in NIHE Dublin (subsequently DCU), but didn't have the required points. Instead he did a degree in psychology in Trinity.
He got his break in RTÉ with a youth programme, Jo Maxi, in 1988. From there, he graduated to presenting The Den and Blackboard Jungle. He was in danger of being typecast as a yoof presenter when Today FM came calling in 2000.
"He was well-liked in RTÉ," one staffer recalls. "People found him very professional and good to work with." The move put in peril any prospects of a TV career, but D'Arcy always said radio was his first love. As it turned out, RTÉ television didn't turn its back on him.
The new show found its feet fairly early on. D'Arcy's easy manner and his grasp of the zeitgeist drew in listeners. A pursuit of trivia became a staple, ultimately resulting in Fix it Friday, which offered solutions to the most trivial of problems. D'Arcy's show didn't pioneer texting, but it did popularise the concept before it was fully appreciated elsewhere.
He does not live by trivia alone. He has also been to the fore in attempting to stem road carnage. His show's young demographic offers him unique access to those most at danger of killing and being killed. The show pioneered a hard-hitting radio advertisement two years ago to raise awareness among teenagers and twentysomethings.
"I'm pissed off and frustrated," he declared in an uncharacteristic outburst on The Last Word in 2006 on a debate on road deaths. Earlier that day, he had read out on his programme an email from the ex-boyfriend of a woman who died in a crash returning home from the Oxegen festival. Nobody doubted his sincerity or his capacity to empathise, attributes which add greatly to his appeal.
Tomorrow night, he will be shifting gears slightly, to cater for the more mature demographic in the middle of the road. Under the dome he will be safe Ray, nice Ray, a Ray of lite, and a Ray of light on a forum that draws brickbats and viewers in equal measure. None of it is likely to faze a pro at the top of his game. Sorry about the dearth of cocaine and tantrums, but some of these celebrities really have no ghosts in the machine.
CV
Age: 44
Family: One daughter with his radio show's producer, Jenny Kelly
In the News: He presents the
Rose of Tralee from tomorrow and retaining a top 10 listenership slot for his Today FM radio show