As I arrived home from my visit to Malahide, I happened to meet a neighbour and fellow food writer out walking his dog. Earlier in the day he'd been in touch to see if I'd like to join him on a trip to the new Ananda in Dundrum and I'd declined on the basis that I was already committed to heading northside to do a review. The conversation went like this:

"How was it?" he asked

"Terrible."

"Where were you?"

"Cruzzo."

"Ah," he said, "I could have told you about that."

My niece Carla, although geographically a Foxrock gal, is a northsider by inclination. When I asked for advice on where I should go in Malahide, she suggested Silks, a Chinese restaurant. I said: "What about Cruzzo? Isn't that where all the glitzy locals hang out? Where Miriam Ahern has her charity lunches?" I booked Cruzzo. I knew about Cruzzo from reading reports in the social pages. I had a sense that it was the place to go.

Carla brought along her friend Sinead, a Malahide native. She explained that everyone who's not from Malahide thinks Cruzzo is where the cool people go whereas in fact, it's full of middle-aged poseurs. It is, she told me, where everyone does their communion and confirmation lunches. And where locals bring visitors from abroad. Our charming waitress had just that experience the week before on her day off. "They'd read about it," she said, "in a guide. They didn't want to go anywhere else."

It's easy to see the appeal – Cruzzo's location is unbeatable, right on the waterfront, with views out over the marina and beyond. In summer, boats pull into the marina and their crews head into Cruzzo for a feed of steak and red wine, I'm told, before hoisting their sails again.

The night of our visit, the downstairs bar area was buzzing with a tasting of New Zealand wines, but upstairs very few tables were occupied. The girls both started with roasted red pepper and tomato soup (€5.25) which they loved, but I thought had no depth of flavour. It came with awful, synthetic-tasting croutons. I had the palourde clam and mussel chowder (€6.95), which sounded good on paper but didn't deliver on the palate.

For mains, Sinead, who eats mainly veggie food at home, went for the grilled 10oz dry aged sirloin of beef, with caramelised baby onion and wild mushroom cream (€28.95) – a decent, but not earth-shattering, piece of meat with pleasant accompaniments. Carla opted for the roast rack of pork, with fondant potato, apple and caraway seed chutney and cider jus (€23.95) – a huge chop which, on closer examination, revealed itself as an inch and a half of solid fat, with a small kernel of lean meat. It was quite unappetising. My
fillet of Alaskan halibut, garlic and
pickled-ginger-infused puy lentils (€28.95) was a disaster. I love halibut. And puy lentils. And garlic. And pickled ginger. Together they were a wrong-headed match made in culinary hell. And they came atop a huge mound of unadvertised and unwanted mashed potato.

We shared a selection of sorbet and ice cream (€6.95) (bought in, I'd wager) and a sticky toffee pudding with butterscotch sauce (€6.50). "It's like sugar dissolving in your mouth," said Sinead. "I see nothing wrong with that," said Carla, although she did agree to walk to Tamangos rather than get a cab.

The bill for three including sides of baby gem caesar salad (those croutons again), green beans (with unappealing unbrowned lardons), french fries ("definitely not home-made!" said Sinead), water and two bottles of wine from the lower echelons of an unimaginative list came to €183.95, to which we added €25 for service, making a total of €208.95. Cruzzo does good wedding business, and the location has something going for it, but as a restaurant neither
the food nor the prices are up to scratch.

(My friend, by the way, had a great meal in Ananda.)

Cruzzo

Malahide marina, Co Dublin

Tel: 01 845 0599

Rating: 2/5