Just last month, Limerick criminal Philip Collopy told a court people were "trying to shoot me every week". While the 29-year-old had surely contemplated his own demise, little did he suspect he'd turn a gun on himself. But he did, albeit accidently, and as a result the gangster has unwittingly become the most high-profile member of a unique club: Ireland's Dumbest Criminals.
Collopy didn't realise his Glock 9mm pistol was loaded when he pointed it at his head and pulled the trigger eight days ago. Investigating gardaí were able to rule out any foul play almost immediately after one of his associates handed over footage on his mobile phone of the shooting, which happened at a party in St Mary's Park. It is believed he had removed a magazine clip containing ammunition from the weapon, but did not realise one bullet was still in the breech. The footage shows Collopy demonstrating how the gun was used and then pulling the trigger. Collopy, whose family is aligned with the Keane gang, was a suspect in the murder in 2000 of criminal Eddie Ryan, whose family then forged strong links with rivals, the Dundon-McCarthy gang.
The 22-year-old relative of criminal Gerry 'The Monk' Hutch was found stuck in the air vent of the Cardiff Inn pub after attempting to break in. Hutch, of Kippure Park, Finglas, was stuck there all night and discovered by staff the next morning. He was covered in soot when pulled out by gardaí. He was sentenced to six months in prison in 2005 for the attempted robbery, which took place earlier that year.
The bungling driver of a getaway car for a gang planning an armed robbery on a Securicor van struck a roadside sign on the way to the raid. Gardaí also noticed Anthony Fox (35) of Corduff Park, Blanchardstown, was driving a stolen vehicle with different number plates on the front and rear in 2005. The would-be robber also had difficulty manoeuvring the stolen Mitsubishi Space Wagon into a hotel car space and left the engine running, which drew the attention of the gardaí. The comedy of errors was recounted at Dublin Circuit Criminal Court in 2007 when the three men were jailed for the attempted raid. Martin Giblin SC, defending Fox, described the operation as having the flavour of "the amateur rather than the professional hardened criminal".
In February 2007, an armed man cycled off with €40,000 in cash, trailing pink smoke and dye behind him in Cork. A security device in the box was triggered after it was snatched from a security guard making a delivery to the AIB branch at the Douglas Court shopping centre. Several motorists saw the man, who was armed with a handgun, cycling on the nearby South Link Road trailing pink smoke from his backpack. He later abandoned the bike near the Douglas GAA club. But despite several garda appeals, the criminal was never caught and the general public was put on the alert for dyed notes.
The heroin addict hijacked a woman's car without realising her child was in the back seat and then tried to rob a pharmacy because he said he wanted to go back to prison. Osbourne, of Hartstown, Dublin, allowed the woman to take her three-year-old child out of the car after he pointed an imitation firearm at her while demanding the keys, but ran away when he couldn't start the vehicle in November 2006. He then attempted to hold-up Blanchardstown village pharmacy. He was sentenced to three years in 2008.
In November 2006, a 62-year-old post mistress was abducted from her home in north Dublin and taken to Monkstown, south Dublin, where she was held captive for several hours in a van. However, the terrified woman managed to escape when her captor took drugs and fell asleep. Despite garda appeals, the dozy criminal was never arrested.
Three "silly and stupid" young mothers collected cannabis resin valued €140,000 on a day-trip to Dublin only to be caught by gardaí when they got lost on their way home to Cork. Duggan (27), Dublin Street, Blackpool; O'Donovan (27), Farranferris Green, Farranree; and Tracey (27), Fairhill Drive, Fairhill, were caught by gardaí when they collected the cannabis in Dublin centre but got lost on the way home and ended up driving northbound on the M1 towards the airport, where they were stopped by gardaí who found the cannabis in the boot of their car.
Duggan admitted she had organised the run and had asked O'Donovan to get involved because she had a car. Tracey said she had just "come along for the drive" but knew they were picking up drugs. The trio were jailed in 2007 for the 2005 drugs run.
A lone bungling raider made off with cash from a post office in Mountmellick, Co Laois, following a break-in but dropped half of the cash as he fled the scene.
In December 2008, the lone raider forced his way into the post office through a back window. Making his way through the shop, he found the keys of the safe and proceeded to empty it of its contents. While making his getaway, half of the cash he took fell and he fled the scene. The man was never caught.
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Stupidity can be found in all walks of life; stupid bankers, stupid politicians, stupid journalists. When a supposedly light hearted article about dumb criminals includes violent armed robbers and kidnappers, not many (least of all their victims) will be amused. Some might even call it dumb.