Hello Youghal.

What are you on about?

You're nowhere near Cork.

And why would you want to say hello to the place anyway?

I'm practising for my auditions for a new movie they're making.

About Youghal?

No, it's a movie remake of the old TV series, Dallas. When any of the characters would walk into a room, they'd say:

'Hello Youghal' or 'I'll tell Youghal now: nobody makes a fool of old J Lo and gets away with it'.

It's not J Lo, it's JR. And he didn't say Youghal, he said y'all, which is kind of Texan for you all. George Bush says it from time to time, as in: 'Read my lips, y'all are gonna die'.

I see.

I don't think you do. You're far too young to be auditioning for a part in Dallas. You don't understand its nuances or the fact that it was really about the way parental favouritism makes psychos of us all.

I thought it was just an excuse to show people riding each other indiscriminately.

It's no wonder you thought it was something to do with Youghal. It's much more serious than that, and in this new movie, from what I've read, some very serious movie stars are being lined up to play key roles.

Like who?

Well, there's that Catherine Zeta Jones, who seems set to be given the role of Pamela Ewing. And then there's Brad Pitt, who actually starred in the series in 1988 when he played the boyfriend of Charlie, Priscilla Presley's daughter in the series.

Christ, you know your stuff, don't you.

I do, and I also know you're wasting your time auditioning for a part.

Why's that?

I'll tell y'all later, pardner.