They've just announced the name of the actor who will play the new James Bond.

Great stuff. The pope is dead and all you care about is some fictional superhero. You should be thinking about God instead. You're a disgrace to your religion.

Give it a rest, man. Do I look like Joe Duffy or something?

All I'm saying is that life goes on, that other things have been happening, and that a new James Bond has been picked after months of speculation about who he might be.

I presume it's somebody of great stature, somebody well known in the movie business, with the charisma to carry off the role. Somebody like Jude Law or Ewan McGregor or Hugh Jackman.

It's a chap called Daniel Craig.

Never heard of him.

Star of the recent movie Enduring Love.

Never heard of it.

He played a gangster in Layer Cake.

Never made an impression on me.

He was on TV in a series called Archangel only a few weeks ago.

Never saw it.

You're a bit of a cultural thicko. You should stop ringing up Joe Duffy and go see an exhibition or a movie or something.

I saw a great movie once, an action movie it was.

Lots of blood and guts. It was the story of a very handsome gentleman who was pursued by his enemies and who escaped by pretending he was dead and then climbing out of his tomb, shaken but not stirred, when the bad guys had gone away.

I don't think I know that one.

'The Passion Of The Christ' it was called. With Jesus as 007. Mr Craig can't compete with that.