Howya Bono, any chance of a loan of 50 quid?

No problem, man. Just fill out this form, and send it back to me along with a copy of your birth cert, photographic ID and a household bill.

Then I'll assess your credit rating.

That's a bit much. I left my wallet at home so I just need a few quid to buy a few pints. I'll have it back tomorrow.

Including interest, that would be 52.23. Can you afford that?

Jesus Christ.

No, I'm still Bono, although it's an easy mistake to make.

Look, Bono, this World Bank thing is going to your head. I'm your friend, and all I want is that you stand me 50 quid until tomorrow.

According to the moneylaundering act of 1998, all applications for a loan from Bono must be accompanied by the relevant identification papers. Failure to provide said papers will result in automatic refusal of the loan.

This is crazy. You've changed since being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and people started touting you as head of the World Bank. I remember you gave me a loan once and you never asked for it back. And now look at you.

Bono has agreed as a once-off measure to forgive all debt from his poorer friends in the hope that free of the shackles of financial indebtedness, they can thrive in life and be fullydeveloped members of the human race.

Stop talking about yourself in the third person, Bono.

It's creeping me out.

Bono wishes only to do good. Bono wants to help.

Bono is the bank that likes to say yes.

I give up. Larry, any chance of a lend of 50 quid?