People look for all kinds of things in the classifieds. Even so, it's still pretty rare to use the small ads to find a woman to give birth to your baby. However, this was the unusual turn of events recently when a couple known as James and Claire (not their real names), placed the ad "Surrogate mother sought for genuine couple unable to conceive" in the Irish Times. While the request may appear to be a strange one, James stresses that it's actually the most normal thing in the world. "We just want our baby. We're not being unreasonable and there's nothing wrong with what we want. We just want to start our family." It was this shared determination that led them to seek help through the ad in the Irish Times.
Amid a flurry of publicity, the couple took their quest from the classifieds to the national airwaves with an appeal on Today FM's Ray D'Arcy Show last week. While James gave his voice to the story, a shy Claire stayed firmly in the background, but their mission to find a surrogate mother struck a chord with a sympathetic public.
Since appearing on the show they have been inundated with words of encouragement, empathy, and some serious offers to help them have a baby. According to an excited James, "We got at least 30 to 40 texts offering to be the surrogate, as well as 15 to 20 emails. They're giving up so much for us and it means a hell of a lot. It's selfless, it's altruistic and it's unbelievable that they would want to do this for us."
The couple have found that there is no legislation in existence to deal with surrogacy in Ireland, apart from the recommendations of a Commission on Assisted Human Reproduction that dates back to 2005. The only known cases of surrogacy in this country have been within families, where a relation of the couple trying to get pregnant acted as a surrogate. Others have travelled abroad.
So how did the couple end up considering surrogacy as an option? "We started going out together about two and a half years ago," explains James, "and Claire said to me on the third or fourth date that she couldn't have children. Being honest, it took me a few moments to take it in but then I said to myself, 'I'm totally head over heels in love with this girl and that's it.'"
A while later the couple decided to look into adoption. But around that time a friend of Claire's underwent IVF, which later resulted in a baby boy. She suggested to Claire that she have some tests, just in case anything could be done to help her conceive.
The test results confirmed that Claire would be unable to conceive but there was some very good news as well. "We were told that while the problems with her womb meant she couldn't conceive, her ovaries were okay," says James. "We were absolutely delighted that, with some help, she could have a baby, but surrogacy would be the only way we could pursue it."
The type of surrogacy that Claire and James are pursuing is known as gestational surrogacy, whereby the ovaries and sperm are provided by the couple and the surrogate is the host.
Faced with a lack of legislation here in dealing with surrogacy, the couple investigated pursuing the process in America and England, but there were complications in each of those places. "America in particular was way too expensive and you had to be a resident," explains James.
So they decided to try and achieve the dream of starting their own family with the help of a surrogate mother in Ireland. Most of their own family members were starting their own families, so were not in a position to help them but remain totally supportive of the couple's decision.
With the hugely positive response from the Ray D'Arcy Show, the couple are even more certain that surrogacy is the way forward and have whittled the offers down to 20 possibilities, whom they intend to meet to help them make their decision. "We are absolutely thrilled with the response," says an emotional James. "Nobody has asked for a penny or anything remotely like that. This means the world to us."
While not willing to rule anybody out, at this stage James and Claire favour a single mother to carry their child. As things stand, they will have to adopt the baby after birth. So if the woman was married, they would require both parties to sign over guardianship, which may result in even more complications. The Adoption Board also stipulates that no money must exchange hands, which can also include travel expenses. Once they find the right person, the Sims Clinic in Dundrum will carry out the procedure, which will cost up to €15,000 for one attempt.
So do James and Claire worry about the surrogate mother changing her mind? Not really. Despite the lack of legal protection, the couple remain optimistic.
"This is a first for everyone but we're just very hopeful that everything will work out for us," says James. And when their baby is born they intend to carry on the fight to establish some legislative guidance for other couples in a similar situation.
For now though, James admits that he and Claire need to concentrate on their own situation.
"I think Claire is such a gorgeous, fantastic and beautiful girl and that she should have the right to have her baby," he says.