Stop crying.

I can't. The dream is over. The Celtic Tiger pin-ups, the Newbridge jewellery, the fits at journalists, the perfect marria... no, I can't say it.

Yes that's right, model Andrea Roche and her husband PJ Mansfield have split.

Stop! It's too much! The pain, the suffering – my role models, gone, lost forever.

Please turn off the Titanic soundtrack.

Near, far, wherEVER you are...

Stop it.

What happened, anyway?

Well, if the Daily Mail is to be believed, they split, and Andrea has been having quite the ball legging it around the world getting soaked in champagne and Partying with a capital P.

Grief articulates itself in many ways.

This is true, although there's 'grief' and then there's "Dubai billionaire heirs".

You mean she's moved on already?

Apparently so. The model and former Miss Ireland has been linked to everyone from Dubai businessmen to Holly White's brother, who we'd never heard of – but apparently he's an 'It Boy'.

And what about young Mansfield?

His story has been conspicuously absent from the newspapers, so you'd have to wonder where all these photographs of Andrea in da club are coming from.

Facebook?

Funny you should mention that, because some joker of a friend hacked her account last year and changed her relationship status to 'single', much to the shock of the nation/Sunday Independent.

This just adds to my bank of theories about Facebook relationship status mistakes actually being prophetic. What now for Andrea?

She might start that model agency she's been talking about for a million years, although I believe she's currently busy waterboarding Daily Mail journalists for printing anything not 100% flattering about her.

First Nama, now this. Is there any good news to be had?

And what part of 'single model' and 'single millionaire's son' isn't good news?