After the triumph that was the live 25th anniversary episode of Eastenders, we proudly present a brief-yet-powerful extract from the script for the proposed forthcoming live episode of RTé soap-tacular Fair City… NB: For maximum effect, please read aloud in a broad, somewhat theatrical Dublin monotone:

INT. CAFÉ. DAY

DEAN enters the café, running straight into an unhappy LEO.

Leo: Ah, here…

Dean: Ah, now…

Leo: You've got a nerve showing your face in here after what you did…

Dean: What are you talkin' about?

Leo: You KNOW what I'm talkin' about…

Dean: Well maybe I do… And maybe I don't.

Leo: That's right – everything's a laugh with you, isn't it?

Dean: Seriously, Leo – I don't actually know what you're talkin' about…

Leo: Wait – what page of the script are you on?

Dean: There's a script?

PAUSE: BOTH SLOWLY TURN AND STARE AWKWARDLY AT THE CAMERA.

Leo: Live telly, wha?

Dean: Wha?

The Home Audience: WHA?

CUT TO ADVERT, AS NATION YEARNS FOR GLENROE REVIVAL