After the triumph that was the live 25th anniversary episode of Eastenders, we proudly present a brief-yet-powerful extract from the script for the proposed forthcoming live episode of RTé soap-tacular Fair City… NB: For maximum effect, please read aloud in a broad, somewhat theatrical Dublin monotone:
INT. CAFÉ. DAY
DEAN enters the café, running straight into an unhappy LEO.
Leo: Ah, here…
Dean: Ah, now…
Leo: You've got a nerve showing your face in here after what you did…
Dean: What are you talkin' about?
Leo: You KNOW what I'm talkin' about…
Dean: Well maybe I do… And maybe I don't.
Leo: That's right – everything's a laugh with you, isn't it?
Dean: Seriously, Leo – I don't actually know what you're talkin' about…
Leo: Wait – what page of the script are you on?
Dean: There's a script?
PAUSE: BOTH SLOWLY TURN AND STARE AWKWARDLY AT THE CAMERA.
Leo: Live telly, wha?
Dean: Wha?
The Home Audience: WHA?
CUT TO ADVERT, AS NATION YEARNS FOR GLENROE REVIVAL