Bruce Springsteen

Just in case you hadn't heard, Bruce Springsteen headlined Slane Castle 25 years ago this week, a momentous event that was, back in the day, pretty much The Coolest. Thing. Ever. Which says a hell of a lot about how profoundly uncool we were back in 1985. Fact: if you vividly remember the occasion in question – ah, those ubiquitous 'Who's The Boss?' bootleg posters – you are officially an Oldie. Not quite sure? Suffering from total denial? Here are five sure signs that you are no longer down with The Kids.

* Hollywood starts remaking films you went to see as a consenting adult. As in "What do you mean they're remaking Soapdish? That movie only came out a few years ago…" It came out in 1991, granddad.

* You've begun to watch The Late Late Show in a non-ironic way, largely because it gives you a sense of reassurance and comfort generally lacking in today's chaotic world. And sure you never know who might be on next. Not only that, you enter the phone-in quiz for the holiday. And lust after all the free stuff they give the audience.

* You don't know who's Number 1 in the pop charts. You're not even sure that there are pop charts to be Number 1 of any more. Sure it's all downloading and uploading and sideloading these days.

* You tune into '80s nostalgia shows and enthusiastically sing along to all the tunes, including the novelty hits, before noticing the expression of disgust and/or pity on the face of any young people in the room. Try explaining Roland Rat to them. They just won't get it.

* You use the expression 'down with The Kids'. Damn.