The news last week that lanky style icon Jarvis Cocker was reconvening his Britpop outfit Pulp for a series of festival dates next summer didn't come as a surprise to anybody. Despite Le Cocker's ongoing insistence that a Pulp reunion definitely wasn't on the cards, it was a foregone conclusion that Jarv would ultimately bite the bullet, embrace the payday and dust off those Greatest Hits for the adoring masses.

One of the innumerable attractions of getting bands back together is the opportunity to rewrite history. By the time they called it a day back in 2003 (several lifetimes ago, in pop-cultural terms), Pulp's glory days had long since passed, largely because Jarvis had forsaken pop anthems for tune-free concept albums about trees. Now he gets to be a super-duper-star again. The kids get to see what all the fuss was about in the first place. And we get to hear him do 'Common People' again. Everyone's a winner.

The Somewhat Inevitable Reunion has become the norm in today's desperate music business, another clear signal that an industry sorely lacking in new revenue streams is more than happy to look back (in repackaged anger) if it means bums on seats. While record sales are falling, live concerts are bigger business than ever – next year's Slane bash sold out in 40 minutes, despite any number of naysayers suggesting that they might have trouble shifting tickets.

It's all about brand (and band) recognition, and the idols of your forlorn youth are only falling over themselves to recreate those glory days. Stadium fillers and cult heroes alike are reconvening at a furious rate: for example (deep breath) Blur, New Kids On The Block, Spandau Ballet, Rage Against The Machine, the Eagles, My Bloody Valentine, the Sex Pistols (along with John Lydon's other outfit, Public Image Limited), Iggy and the Stooges, Roxy Music, the La's, the Pixies, Dexy's Midnight Runners, Suede, the Police, Dinosaur Jr, the Verve, Pavement, Van Halen, Faith No More, Genesis, the Libertines… The list goes on, and on, and on. Any number of Irish acts have happily embraced the concept too, from Planxty and Horslips to the Undertones, the Stunning and indie also-rans Power Of Dreams – the latter are hitting the road this Christmas with the Sultans Of Ping. Where's Me Jumper? More like Where's Me False Teeth?

The reunion thing isn't exactly a new development in rock: Simon and bloody Garfunkel have been doing it on and off for the past 30 years, after all. Take That got to do it twice: once as a foursome, and now with Robbie Williams back in the fold – they just shifted 164,000 tickets for a pair of Croke Park dates, and could easily have sold out another couple of nights. Some are reunions in name only, as the creative forces behind still-bankable brands reconvene their acts minus some of the original personnel: that's you Mike Scott (AKA the Waterboys) and Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins).

Reuniting the key participants isn't necessary, either – the glorious return of the Specials finally happened minus the participation of founder member and creative driving force Jerry Dammers. And don't worry too much about family feuds, either – if the fightin' Reid brothers (AKA the Jesus And Mary Chain) can barbed-wire kiss and make up, then chances are that Liam and Noel Gallagher will one day share a stage again. The bottom line: there are no scars that money can't heal.

Which makes the stubborn hold-outs all the more admirable: no amount of money, for example, can convince Dave Davies to rejoin his brother Ray for another spin as the Kinks, largely on account of Raymond being, in Dave's words, "an arsehole". Following a rapturously received one-off show a few years back, Robert Plant is far too happy doing his Americana thing to sign up for a full-blown Led Zeppelin reunion. And Pink Floyd, who played a brief set at Live 8 back in 2005, can't reform again for the simple reason that it would cause immediate mass unem-ployment: think of all the dodgy Floyd tribute acts they'd put out of business.

It's not always about the money. In certain cases there's a need for closure, a sense of unfinished business, of potential unfulfilled. Neil Young isn't getting Buffalo Springfield back together after 42 years for a quick payday: he's having fun jamming with his old mates… Or the ones who are still alive, anyhow.

There's no stigma to it anymore: if you were in a killer band, after all, why not swallow that pride, get over yourself and be in that killer band again? Just be sure that you adhere to the One Abiding Rule Of The Reformation: nobody wants to hear the new stuff. With the very rare exception – hello Take That.

The Hold-outs: Five legendary acts that will never, ever kiss and make up

Abba

Despite any number of high-profile offers – an American promoter offered them a BILLION dollars to tour back in 2000– the greatest pop act of them all have met their Waterloo. Says Benny Ulvaeus: "We will never appear on stage again. There is simply no motivation to regroup. Money is not a factor and we would like people to remember us as we were – young, exuberant, full of energy and ambition."

The Smiths

Guitarist Johnny Marr has been striking reconciliatory notes of late, but surely no amount of filthy lucre could persuade Morrissey to share a stage with former Smith bandmates Mike Joyce and Andy Rourke, after the former took him to the High Court (and the cleaners) in 1996 in search of unpaid royalties. Sez Moz: "People always ask me about reunions and I can't imagine why... The past seems like a distant place, and I'm pleased with that."

The Stone Roses

The baggy icons' reputation grows by the year, entirely due to the blissful pop perfection of their eponymous 1989 debut elpee: a new generation would kill to see the Roses in the flesh. Guitarist John Squire has knocked music on the head for a career as an artist, however: his 2009 painting 'I Have No Desire Whatsoever To Desecrate The Grave Of Seminal Manchester Pop Group The Stone Roses 18.3.09' offered an insight as to his thoughts concerning the matter of a Roses reunion.

Guns N' Roses

Forget Axl Rose and his revolving crew of hired hands, the ones who got bottled off-stage at the O2 earlier this year. We're talking about the original G N'R line-up, the ones responsible for the Appetite For Destruction album. It's time for Axl to give Slash a call – otherwise he's a bloated, washed-up Mick minus his Keef. It's a Rolling Stones analogy, dude.

Sugababes

Earlier this year, the original line-up of Sugababes – Siobhán Donaghy, Mutya Buena and Keisha Buchanan – tried to reclaim the band's name from the current incarnation. They failed. We suggest the two groups fight to the death – in a live televised spectacle, naturally – to reclaim the title. Failing that, they should called themselves Sugababez, and form an allegiance with a reunited S Club 7, currently touring as S Club 3 – how utterly tragic.