Who's this Patrick Stay everybody's talking about?

I've never heard of him. Tell me more.

Well, ever since I arrived in Ireland last week, everybody's been talking about him. He seems really unpopular. Some people say they hate Patrick Stay. And only last night I met two girls in the pub and they said they were going to get pissed and throw up on Patrick Stay. He must be one terrible person to warrant that kind of treatment.

Do you know know anything else about him?

I think he might be a magician of some sort.

Why's that?

Well RTE have a Patrick Stay special on Thursday, and I thought I heard somebody say this same Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland.

I have one other question though.

What's that?

Are Patrick Stay and Paddy Stay by any chance related? I've heard people talk about Paddy too, and he doesn't seem any more popular.

Some woman said she hated him so much, she refused to get up on him and would stay in bed all day.

Aha, I have you now. You're talking about St Patrick's Day. It's the day when we celebrate our patron saint, Patrick, and celebrate our common Irishness.

How do you do that?

By getting pissed and throwing up on the street.

Sometimes we fight.

I see. So it's a great day to be Irish, one in which your leaders and your people stand together to celebrate Ireland.

Actually, no. Our leaders piss off to other countries and get pissed there.

You're a funny lot, you Irish.