LOST your home, belongings, city? This is the horrendous reality nearly one million displaced Americans are facing in the Louisiana area, so the last thing you need turning up on your door step is Sean Penn in a leaky tub. Penn felt "compelled" to head to the disaster area . . . 'Ground Below Zero' . . . around New Orleans. So compelled it seems, that he brought a photographer with him just in case the surrounding media were too busy actually reporting on the disaster itself.

Unfortunately, the former Mr Madonna forgot to fix a leak in his boat, and as it quickly became laden down with his entourage, Penn resorted to bailing it out with a paper cup . . . not exactly Superman-style.

More useful was John Travolta's effort. He flew down in his own 747 (as seen on Cribs) with five tonnes of food and 400 tetanus jabs. Meanwhile, Oprah has been broadcasting from the Astrodome in Houston, Texas, home to tens of thousands of evacuees, while Celine Dion has been shooting her mouth off, "How come it's so easy to send planes in another country to kill everyone in a second, to destroy lives?

We need to be there right now to rescue the rest of the people, " shouted the Canadian.

Una Mullally