It wasn't one of Germaine Greer's finer moments. When asked recently if Cheryl Cole could be a feminist icon, the world's most famous feminist replied abruptly: "No, she's too thin." Greer didn't realise how inflammatory that idle remark was. Because Cheryl Cole, Girls Aloud singer, X Factor judge, style icon of the year several times over, and infamous ladies' toilet scrapper, has been bestowed a new title in Britain – "the nation's sweetheart".

Her role as adjudicator and mentor on television's most celebrated public talent show – which has Republic of Ireland viewers even crossing the border to vote – has earned the 25-year-old from Newcastle the adulation of viewers and more fans than she ever had as a pop star. Cole has undoubted photogenic appeal with her bouffant hair, dimpled smile and slight figure made for on-trend fashion that's just the right side of classic. Those attributes, combined with her down-to-earth Geordie accent, suggest a certain old-style glamour that many young women feel they can emulate through similar good grooming. There are even rumours that she may make the cover of Vogue magazine in Britain. But for many fans, Cole's real appeal is that she is the token human on the panel.

Unlike the often impassive Danni Minogue, Louis Walsh and scary Simon Cowell, Cole's emotions are never far from the surface. Whenever she encounters a young customer sales rep or middle-aged pool attendant dreaming of stardom, Cole empathises totally with their "back story"; her tears begin to fall, and the nation suffers a massive collective lump in its throats. Writer Kathy Lette, a friend of Danni Minogue's, was moved to comment that Cole's been taken hostage by her hormones: "She cries so much I'm worried there's going to be an imminent shortage of waterproof mascara in the Greater London area."

It's the "back story", or as comedian Peter Kay has it, the "sob story", that is very much the backbone of The X Factor. This was mercilessly sent up with contestant 'Geraldine McQueen', former Irish Ferries piano player, now budding flame-haired chanteuse, who made "her" bid for stardom on Peter Kay's spoof Britain's Got The Pop Factor. But it is Cole's own back story that lends sincerity to her empathising with contestants.

She grew up in a heroin-ravaged council estate in Heaton. "Heroin was there for the taking," she has said. "I could easily have taken that route if I'd wanted to." But it's a past she hasn't fully escaped and she is said to be "crippled with worry" now about her 28-year-old brother Andrew, who is serving a prison sentence for robbery.

One of five siblings, Cole's schooldays were hardly of the ginger beer and hockey sticks variety either. She was suspended from school for swearing on occasion, and finally packed it in at 16 with limited qualifications. Behind the 'Am I bovvered' bravado was a young girl plagued by anxiety and panic attacks. Despite the family breadline diet of baked beans, fish fingers and bread, she recalls she was "dangerously underweight" as a teenager. There is speculation that her skinny frame now still has as much to do with worry and not being entirely sure of herself or her talent, as with any of the faddish dieting beloved of other celebrities. She is said to have dropped to just six stone earlier this year after it was revealed her husband of 18 months, footballer Ashley Cole, had a fling with a hairdresser. His infidelity earned his young wife even more public support, and they cheered her on when she appeared to have abandoned wearing her wedding ring in subsequent months. "It was falling off my finger as I've lost weight," she claimed.

Her reasons for taking back her cheating husband reveal the soft-heartedness and generosity of spirit that is increasingly claimed for her. "People make mistakes. Ashley's a free spirit. I'm not his keeper. I believe in letting people be free. Ashley can have time with his friends, he can go out when he wants." That dignified stance while enduring public scrutiny of her personal life is another mark in Cole's favour.

But it wasn't always so. Ever since she shot to stardom at 19 following her audition for Popstars: The Rivals, Cole has been a target for tabloid sensation. And it has to be said, she gave them rich material for that loud, bad-girl behaviour tag while also demonstrating that a ladies powder room is often anything but – especially when it's in a nightclub called 'The Drink'.

In January 2003, she was involved in what the judge later called "an unpleasant piece of drunken violence" and charged with racially aggravated assault. Cole was accused of calling the nightclub toilet attendant a "jigaboo". She was cleared of the racist element of the charge, but found guilty of assault causing actual bodily harm, fined and ordered to do 120 hours of community service.

In 2006, singer Lily Allen name-checked her in a song with the line wishing "I looked like Cheryl Tweedy". Allen later claimed she was joking, adding that "Nobody really wants to look like Cheryl Tweedy, they just think they do." It ignited a spat of bitching between the two, with Gordon Ramsay stirring it for good measure. On Ramsay's The F-Word, he mischievously mentioned Lily Allen and got a glimpse of Cole's former tough-girl roots when she snapped in response, "Chick with dick".

But two years on, the young woman who was instantly teleported from sink estate to pop charts, from Best Looking Girl in Newcastle to WAG, and from ladette to national sweetheart, is coping with her popularity with good grace. Her down to earth revelations that she wore an invisible brace just over a year ago to straighten her wonky teeth, and that her flowing locks are courtesy of back-combing and hair extensions, only partly exemplify the honesty that endears her to fans.

And she is the first to deny that she is an icon – feminist, fashion or otherwise. "People see me as a role model, but I want them to see I'm human and I make mistakes. I'm not perfect."

CV

Born Cheryl Tweedy, 1983, Newcastle

Career Joined Royal Ballet's summer school aged nine; won local Newcastle beauty competitions as a teenager; won audition for 'Popstars: The Rivals' late 2002 and formed band Girls Aloud with 19 top 10 singles and five platinum albums. In August, she replaced Sharon Osbourne as judge on 'The X Factor'

Married to Chelsea and England footballer Ashley Cole, July 2006

In the news Dubbed 'the

nation's sweetheart' in the British press; presides over final of 'The X Factor' next weekend