MONDAY

Michael O'Leary (right) attempts to nab a 50% off Christmas bargain. Aer Lingus rejects the Ryanair boss's offer of €748m – half that of his bid two years ago. Maybe he could throw in a few scratch cards, 'priority' boarding passes, and one of those racy in-flight mags?

It's a recession, and no-one can be choosy, so naturally Hillary says "yes" to Barack's job offer. Fears that the "naive and irresponsible politician" and the "deeply flawed has-been" – their former descriptions of each other – might be a nightmare rather than dream ticket should be unfounded. A secretary of state post involves a lot of travel...

Images of a freakishly submerged Piazza San Marco recall that famous telegram from American wit Robert Benchley. When the New Yorker journalist first arrived in Venice to cover a story, he mailed his editor with the immortal words: "Streets flooded. Please advise..."

Tuesday

Recession-struck Germany can no longer afford the 'bear necessities'. Knut (above), Berlin zoo's polar bear, is to be deported because of estimated €9m costs to re-house him and a potential mate. Re-location options are limited, what with the polar ice cap melting faster than Iceland's economy. Alaska, maybe?

Environment minister and Ringsend dweller John Gormley has rubbished claims that the go-ahead for €250m Poolbeg incinerator sends his eco-cred up in smoke. One resident complained: "We already get smells now and we are going to get smells again."

Projected tax returns are a whopping €2bn lower than expected in October, leaving budget planning in turmoil. The government is frantically collecting all those old bits of loose change and crumpled bus ticked with unredeemed refunds lying around the Dáil.

Wednesday

Finance minister Brian 'The Grinch' Lenihan says we are living beyond our means, and defends the decision to bring the traditional December budget forward to October. "I don't think people would thank us for telling them three weeks before Christmas just how serious the position is." Just gave us more time to worry about it, that's all...

What next? Things obviously didn't seem as bad in October, as even economists are now taken aback at the latest unemployment figures of 7.8% – a sharp rise in less than two months and the worst figures in 10 years. But even 1998 sounds good now – we were on the brink of 'the boom' then.

Thursday

Some hopeful news for borrowers though as the gauge nudges zero... for central bank interest rates. The ECB makes the third cut in two months with a 0.75% drop, the steepest plunge in its history; the Bank of England rate is cut to 2%, the lowest since 1951. One economist predicts a drop to 1% and ultimately a fall to a zero rate.

Round chilly Sunderland way… RK SMS NQ. "R hre. Iv had it, thx, Im off…" Reams of fully worded footie analysis expected imminently…

Friday

The woolly jumpers and couple of pens by the door of the Department of Agriculture are not an early Christmas present for employees. The IFA step up their week-long protest over ewe maintenance payments outside the building and the DSPCA is concerned. The farmers' vet seeks to allay concerns. "During the time I observed, some ruminated, some nibbled hay, some rested lying down in the normal way, some sipped water and some just stood about." Presumably, he's referring to activity outside, and not inside, the building…

Happiness, says the British Medical Journal, is contagious. And you're most likely to catch it from jolly neighbours. Researchers define the biggest boost to happiness (34%) as coming from living next door to irrepressibly cheery types. Couldn't you just die laughing at the thought of it.

Fresh young sprout versus hoary old chestnut. Big UK supermarkets reveal the poster boys to front their Christmas TV campaigns. Morrisons are off to a racing start with Richard Hammond, while Tesco takes it at a slower pace by hiring Des O'Connor (above) to boost flagging sales. The cardigan clad crooner will have to up the tempo if he wants to catch the Hamster…