I hope I won't be accused of talking down the weather now there's a bit of an improvement.

I overheard someone explain to a whining tourist that the only difference between winter and summer in Ireland is the rain is warmer in the summer.

The Israelis have sent propagandists to Kerry.

This pretty, pigtailed Israeli girl doorstepped me the other day. She explained her mission was to sell paintings and give the Israeli version of events in the Middle East. As is the case when the Jehovah's call, I referred her to my wife.

Her tale was very moving, but she didn't half go on. The Israeli girl asked for a glass of water and there followed a lecture on the battle for water in the Middle East. Every word was a trigger.

It stopped raining for an hour and we had a barbeque to celebrate.

Due to a slight logistical error the pool table sent for Christmas would not fit into the house and so we kept it outdoors under a car cover. The cover was blown away when the stone holding it down was redeployed in a rockery. The pool table is now used as a resting place for our portable barbeque.

The pool table went up in flames and the Israeli girl quenched the blaze. She spent time in the army and was trained to put out fires. By way of gratitude we purchased two paintings which are now in the attic on permanent loan.

I am calling on Willie The Peacemaker to introduce compulsory national service. If nothing else it will make the dole queues shorter and put a halt to emigration.