MONDAY

Eh Joe? Self-proclaimed "acclaimed visionary" Joe Coleman insists Mary will appear at Knock on Saturday despite the misgivings of the likes of the Archbishop of Tuam, Michael Neary.

All hotels and B&Bs in and around the Co Mayo shrine are booked out. Neary says the apparition-by-appointment view of how mystical religious appearances work "risks misleading God's people and undermining faith". Apparitions only work, says the archbishop, when, as in the 1879 appearance, they are "neither sought nor expected" by the humble honest people who are the astonished witnesses.

Astonished witnesses of another kind are the marathon crowds who watch the miracle debut of 19-year-old Ethiopian Feyisa Lilesa. He runs the 26.2miles in just two hours, nine minutes and 11 seconds – five seconds outside the record.

But nothing can beat Lincolnshire publican William Fry's finish. After pounding the tarmac for four hours and 17 seconds, he rushes off to get the ring, hangs around the finish line for 40 minutes waiting for his girlfriend, sports therapist Rachel Masterson, and then goes down on one knee to propose. She manages to gasp yes, yes, yes.

TUEWSDAY

Bats, but not in the belfry, are the rare lesser horseshoes who are unhappy with the €200,000 house built by Gama construction as a safehouse from the Ennis bypass.

Perhaps they are boycotting it because it was built by Gama, the Turkish construction company that has come in for criticism, not just for its treatment of workers but also because it failed to complete all the mammal underpasses it promised when it tendered for the Co Clare road. The result: a massive increase in roadkill – badgers, foxes and other animals hit by cars now crossing their habitat. The bat enjoys EU protection and the structural funds for the road would not have been granted unless the bathouse was built. All is not lost, however: a bat schoolhouse 2km away is full. As far as we know, they are not being taught by retired substitute teachers claiming a pension as well as doing young graduate teachers out of a day's pay.

WEDNESDAY

Synchronised screenings of the film made of Michael Jackson's rehearsals for the comeback concerts he never lived to perform are shown in 17 cities around the world. Fans say he looks so fit and dances so well it makes his death all the sadder and more perplexing.

Is Richard Bruton really Alasdair Darling? His good bank/bad bank idea is going to be used for the three stooges of the UK banking system, Northern Rock, RBS and Lloyds. The profitable parts of their business will be sold off as "good" banks with no "bad" debt, while the remaining "bad" bank element will remain in government hands until the riskier loans are off­loaded. The other big banks won't be allowed buy the good banks – they're too big to fail at the moment, so they don't want them getting too big again.

Meanwhile, bank shares collapse because an EC decision forces German bank group ING to sell non-core assets in return for its government bailout. Will BoI and AIB have to do the same when their debts are bought by Nama? Finance minister Brian Lenihan grumbles that all this democratic debate over Nama may delay its start-up date. Shares plunge even further.

THURSDAY

The other Bruton brother (remember John?) wants to be the new EU president and maybe Tony Blair does too. Should Brian Cowen have waited until he saw who all the candidates are before backing Tony above the Brute? Who will Sarkozy and Merkel endorse? European politics was never more, er, interesting? More interesting than the gazillion Nama amendments keeping the members of the Oireachtas finance committee up all night. Better too than the civil war between public sector workers and the rest of the country. "They want to tax everyone else to have higher salaries for themselves,"says an unimpressed Lenihan.

FRIDAY

Tough-talking transport minister Noel Dempsey buckles under the pressure from Fianna Fáil backbenchers and reduces the penalties for drivers caught over the new lower limits for drink driving. A victory for Jackie Healy Rae and Mattie McGrath is always to be celebrated. Meanwhile, Simon Cowell says he will leave the UK for six months if an X Factor victory for Dublin twins John and Edward Grimes becomes reality. Go Jedward!

You Cannot Be Serious

"I know people for whom drink is a relaxant and they might be more nervous without it"

Mattie McGrath, FF TD, lead opponent of lowering the drink-driving limits, argues for the benefits of alcohol, while "not condoning" drink driving